On the surface, Bill is your everyday blue collar man. But a back-breaking injury led him down the unexpected path of sexual enlightenment. Bill takes us along on his journey from discovering Kundalini rising to being catapulted into a world where the lines between pleasure, pain, and awakening are blurred, challenging everything we think we know about male sexuality, pleasure, and the power of self acceptance.
On the surface, Bill is your everyday blue collar man. But a back-breaking injury led him down the unexpected path of sexual enlightenment. Bill takes us along on his journey from discovering Kundalini rising to being catapulted into a world where the lines between pleasure, pain, and awakening are blurred, challenging everything we think we know about male sexuality, pleasure, and the power of self acceptance.
Show Notes:
Introduction to Bill's Journey [00:00:00]: Bill discusses societal misconceptions about anal pleasure among heterosexual cis men, setting the stage for an exploration of sexual boundaries and pleasure.
Challenges of Male Sexual Exploration [00:00:15]: Michelle touches on the cultural silence around male sexual preferences, especially regarding anal stimulation, outside of locker room talk.
Bill's Early Conversations on Sexuality [00:00:26]: An anecdote from Bill illustrates the difficulty of discussing sexual experimentation among friends due to societal taboos.
Kundalini Rising: A Catalyst for Change [00:00:34]: Bill's 12-year journey of sexual awakening through Kundalini Rising is introduced, marking a significant shift in his worldview on sexual communication.
Discovering New Forms of Orgasm [00:00:50]: Bill shares his discovery of the difference between orgasm and ejaculation, experiencing super prostate orgasms for the first time.
The Impact of Life's Stagnation [01:17]: Michelle reflects on how life responsibilities can lead to sexual stagnation, contrasting Bill's early curiosity with his later awakening.
An Injury Leads to Enlightenment [01:34]: The turning point in Bill's journey was seeking pain relief for a work-related injury, which unexpectedly led to a sexual awakening during a massage therapy session.
Registered Massage Therapist [01:50]: A transformative massage therapy session opens Bill up to explore his connection with energy work.
Embracing Kundalini Rising [02:10]: Bill discusses his acceptance and curiosity about why Kundalini Rising chose him, leading to a deeper exploration of his sexuality.
The Reiki Journey [03:15]: A significant healing session involving Reiki introduces Bill to new dimensions of sexual arousal and energy work, deepening his journey.
Arousal Amid Pain: A New Understanding [04:21]: Bill recounts experiencing arousal during extreme pain, leading to questions about the nature of his sexual experiences.
Personal Research and Discovery [05:06]: Following his therapy session, Bill dives into researching Kundalini Rising, seeking to understand the profound changes he's experiencing.
Energy Perception in Social and Intimate Settings [07:09]: Bill shares how his Kundalini awakening has affected his perception of energy in different settings, altering his connection with others.
Further Exploration with a Reiki Master [08:03]: An encounter with a Reiki master friend leads to another eye-opening session, further affirming Bill's experiences and exploration.
Embracing Prostate Massage and Beyond [09:56]: Guided by a sex coach, Bill delves into prostate massage, confronting societal norms and discovering unparalleled levels of pleasure and self-awareness.
The Societal Taboos Around Male Pleasure [10:08]: Bill discusses the societal pressures and misconceptions that deter men from exploring their bodies, particularly the stigma surrounding anal pleasure.
A New Understanding of Pleasure [11:17]: Bill's experimentation with prostate massage challenges his own preconceptions and leads to profound discoveries about his body's capacity for pleasure.
Guidance from a Sex Coach [12:32]: Bill shares how a sex coach encouraged him to further explore his sexual boundaries, emphasizing the importance of self-pleasure and body awareness.
Prostate Orgasms: Breaking New Ground [13:29]: Through self-exploration and guidance, Bill experiences non-ejaculatory, multiple prostate orgasms, a revelation that redefines his understanding of male pleasure.
A Transformative Experience [14:26]: The profound and extended pleasure of a super prostate orgasm leaves Bill in awe, challenging conventional notions of male orgasm and its potential.
Continued Exploration and Growth [15:22]: Bill expresses his ongoing commitment to exploring his sexuality, underlining the positive impacts of his journey on his well-being and sexual fulfillment.
Overcoming Sexual Shame [16:17]: Michelle introduces an online learning module aimed at helping individuals navigate and overcome sexual shame, highlighting the importance of personal growth and self-acceptance.
Advice for Others Facing Sexual Shame [17:10]: Bill offers advice to listeners struggling with their own sexual explorations, emphasizing the value of seeking professional guidance and opening up about one's desires.
The Power of Sharing Personal Stories [18:00]: Bill discusses his motivation for sharing his story on the podcast, hoping to inspire others to embrace their sexuality and challenge societal norms.
Reflections on Therapy and Openness [19:15]: Michelle and Bill discuss the transformative power of therapy and the importance of having safe spaces to explore and discuss sexuality without judgment.
The Role of Communication in Relationships [20:10]: The episode touches on the complexities of discussing sexual exploration within relationships, emphasizing the need for open communication and mutual understanding.
Looking Forward: Chapter Two of Sexual Exploration [21:05]: Bill views his journey as the beginning of a new chapter in his sexual exploration, one that continues to evolve as he learns and grows.
Gratitude and Closing Thoughts [22:00]: Michelle thanks Bill for his openness and insights, highlighting the episode's themes of sexual exploration, communication, and the journey toward understanding and embracing one's sexuality.
Invitation to the Audience [22:50]: Michelle invites listeners to share their own stories and engage with the podcast community, fostering a supportive environment for discussing sexuality.
Closing and Resources [23:40]: The episode concludes with an overview of available resources for listeners interested in exploring their own sexual journeys, including the "Unlearning Sexual Shame" module.
[00:00:00] Bill: Unless you're part of the gay or queer community, men don't generally insert things into their anus. You don't generally do that. Get some insight, get some fun, get some pleasure, get some yum.
[00:00:15] Michelle: Outside of what we know as locker room talk, most heterosexual cisgender men don't often talk about what they're into in the bedroom. Especially when it comes to butt stuff.
[00:00:26] Bill: I talked to a good friend of mine once about it and he looked at me and [00:00:30] said, I have no idea what you're talking about and I went okay well that was the end of that.
[00:00:34] Michelle: Over the last 12 years, my guest Bill, your unassuming, average, everyday tradesman, has been in the middle of a sexual awakening through something called Kundalini Rising.
[00:00:46] And it's changed his entire worldview on talking about sex.
[00:00:50] Bill: What I learned was that there's an actual difference between orgasm. And ejaculation. I went from a what they call a regular prostate [00:01:00] orgasm to what they call a super prostate orgasm. So this was all over my Body right from my toes, top of the hair on my head.
[00:01:11] Everything was tingling. It was something I have never experienced ever.
[00:01:17] Michelle: Like most hetero cis men. Bill was a pretty sexually curious guy in his younger years, but with life in the way things started to get well stagnant, but his sexual enlightenment found him. [00:01:30] And it didn't even start with anything sexual in nature.
[00:01:34] It came after an injury at work that left him desperate to find relief for his pain.
[00:01:38] Bill: I was able to drive myself down to see my RMT, got to the office, knocked on the door, she opened it, looked at me, and three words were, Oh my God, what have you done?
[00:01:50] Michelle: That appointment at the Registered Massage Therapist left Bill curious, and it's led him down a journey of learning about his body, talking about sex, and a [00:02:00] lot of really good orgasms.
[00:02:03] His experience with Kundalini rising and how it shifted his curiosities is what I'm talking to him about today.
[00:02:10] Bill: Why did this happen to me? Why did this pick me? It didn't pick me. It was always there. I just let it out.
[00:02:17] Michelle: Here's my conversation with Bill.
[00:02:18] Bill: I've been working in the hard construction industry for a long, long time [00:02:30] and not as young as I used to be, but still you got to press on and work hard. So anyway, I was working away one day and I suffered a horrific back injury. I had never experienced pain like that before. And it's, it My first reaction was, we have to get an ambulance.
[00:02:47] You got to go to the hospital. And in my mind, I'm going, I don't want to do this. I don't want them to give me a bag of pills and walk out of there. I need to be fixed. I want to go see my. RMT, [00:03:00] you know, being the tough guy and the strong male and say, I'll get down there myself. So the people in the office basically shoved me in my truck and I was able to drive myself down to see my RMT, got to the office, knocked on the door.
[00:03:15] She opened it, looked at me and three words were, Oh my God, what have you done? built your mess. She was working on me for approximately two hours. And then she just started waving her hands over me a little bit. And I'm thinking, well, this is a little [00:03:30] peculiar. And then my kneecaps started to twitch a little bit and I'm going, okay, this is weird.
[00:03:36] And then my toes started to curl and I was just getting this wave of. euphoria. And honestly, I started getting aroused and I was getting erect and I'm going, this is, this is very, very, very weird.
[00:03:49] Michelle: Weird because you were in extreme pain. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, it's like it transitioned into arousal of some sort.
[00:03:58] Bill: Exactly. [00:04:00] And then this, this huge wave washed over me and I thought, one of three things, I thought, A, you just, peed on yourself. Two, you're having a heart attack or three, you've just had an orgasm. So the RMT left the room for a few minutes and then I, you know, I had to check to make sure I didn't make a mess, right?
[00:04:21] Or I didn't urinate or I didn't ejaculate or anything like that. And I thought, Oh my God, what is going on here? So I finally settled down. She came back into the room [00:04:30] and she goes, What was that? She was very curious, like, I've never seen that, what, how did you feel? What happened? And I said, well, then I explained and I told her to, you know, either I had a heart attack or I urinated or ejaculated or orgasmed or something, I, I don't know.
[00:04:44] And I said, none of the three just happened, right? You did not ejaculate? I didn't. It felt like I did, but I didn't. Fascinating. Right. And that's where this whole thing really kind of started. I just felt off. [00:05:00] And by the time I got out of the studio, I walked outside and it was dark and I looked and the streetlights burned my eyes.
[00:05:06] Like every bright light, like I literally drove home with my sunglasses on. Okay. And I walked into the house. I just went to bed. Right. I'm doing some Google searches of what's going on. And. At that point, the word Kundalini kept coming up and coming up and I'm going, what is this? What is Kundalini? And then my RMT sent me a text.
[00:05:27] Are you okay? And I told her what, like how I was feeling. She goes, can [00:05:30] you please detail to me how you felt? What I didn't realize this whole time is when she was holding her hands over top of me, she was doing Reiki. Reiki is an ancient. healing method where there is very light touch or no touch, okay, and it's an energy release exchange between the provider and the person on the table or the receiver.
[00:05:56] My RMT provider actually spoke with her [00:06:00] Reiki teacher. It's this Kundalini rising is what they called. So Kundalini. rests in the root chakra, you know, your chakra system. I'm not fully familiar with all the details, but there's the crown and throat. And the root chakra is where this Kundalini will rise.
[00:06:18] And sometimes it's known as the sleeping serpent. And most of the time, what happens is if someone has a traumatic experience where they experience extreme amount of [00:06:30] pain. The Kundalini will just rise through your system and it just tries to heal you, tries to make you feel better, tries to regulate you.
[00:06:38] So I thought, okay, that's cool. What do I do with this now? Days, weeks, and months after I would feel energy everywhere. People's energy, men's energy, women's energy, like, and if we were at some type of gathering of some sort, I would have a hard time sitting in that room because of all the [00:07:00] energy being shared between the people having discussions.
[00:07:03] And if it was a real joyous occasion, like, I would be tingly.
[00:07:06] Michelle: Was it like a sexual energy?
[00:07:09] Bill: When it was in a group gathering, it was not really sexually felt, but I just felt like I was vibing. But if I was on my own or with a partner, the sex feelings became much deeper. The actual connection with the partner was deeper and I could feel [00:07:30] their energy more.
[00:07:35] Michelle: This experience for you, you say your partner, what was their reaction to your experience of the Kundalini rising?
[00:07:48] Bill: They couldn't really wrap their head around it because they weren't feeling the same vibe. Further down the road, I ran into an old friend of mine in an office. And what I found out at that time is [00:08:00] she was actually a Reiki master teacher.
[00:08:03] And she feels energy. Very, very freely, right? And I walked into her office and she looked at me and went, what the hell happened to you? Like in a good concern, something's definitely different about you. Like she actually sat back in her chair a little bit and like went, Oh my God, what's going on? Are you okay?
[00:08:23] Kind of thing. Yeah. So I kind of told her what happened and she goes, okay, you have to come and see me. [00:08:30] So anyway, I went to her home and we started talking and then she said, Can I do a session on you right here right now? And I went, Okay, what do I do? She said, Get on the table and relax. And I went, Okay.
[00:08:41] Michelle: Are you naked during a Reiki?
[00:08:44] Bill: No, you're fully clothed. Okay. It's very light touch or no touch, but you're just putting your hands over different parts of the body. So I'm laying on the table and doesn't the same thing happen? Again, and I'm going, okay, what is going on [00:09:00] here? She said the same thing. She said, no, like what's going on with you?
[00:09:03] And I said, I don't know. And it was this very same euphoric, orgasmic type of feeling.
[00:09:10] Michelle: Did it feel like an orgasm?
[00:09:12] Bill: The second time it actually did. And this is where I started learning a bunch more different things that, especially with men, there's a difference between orgasm and ejaculation.
[00:09:21] Michelle: What would you say, as a guy with a penis, what the difference would be between an orgasm and [00:09:30]
[00:09:30] Bill: So, growing up and being taught different things that men, when you orgasm, you ejaculate, like once you hit your peak orgasm, you start ejaculating right after and then you get your refractory period and then that's it, right?
[00:09:43] Yeah. What I learned was that there is an actual difference between orgasm and ejaculation. And what had actually happened was, is I did have an orgasm, but I didn't have the ejaculation.
[00:09:56] Michelle: And why you, right? Why did the [00:10:00] Kundalini pick you and that point in your life? Like what was it trying to bring out, I guess?
[00:10:08] Bill: [00:10:08] So going back years ago, I was very sexually curious. I knew I liked sex. I knew I liked doing all kinds of sexual things and, and self pleasure and pleasuring others and everything else. Right. Oh, you've mentioned we have a very common, someone we look up to is Sue Johanson. Okay. So we, all right. So when I used to [00:10:30] travel when I was young, Sunday night was, I used to time my travels that I could get right into the Toronto area right when it started.
[00:10:37] And I would listen to Sue and she would speak and be very frank and very upfront and very. How can I put it, put it very in English terms, how you're feeling and what's going on. Okay. So anyway, that's that. Matter of fact. Matter of fact is right. And I thought, okay, I need to know more of this, but you know, you grow up and things change and family and blah, blah, blah, and everything gets kind of suppressed and pushed back.
[00:10:58] So maybe with this [00:11:00] rising is that my body said, that's enough, you've held everything back enough. It's time for you to start learning and exploring.
[00:11:07] Michelle: When you say you've held back enough, it's time for you to start exploring. What were you holding?
[00:11:17] Bill: Well, as I went from a single man dating and seeing several people over time, you know, you learn things and you get to experiment with things and, you know, like sex is fun and self pleasure is fun [00:11:30] and you get to learn different things and different techniques and stuff.
[00:11:32] But when family life starts. Your focus is change.
[00:11:37] Michelle: Like family life as in you end up by moving up the relationship escalator, getting married, having kids.
[00:11:44] Bill: Yeah, having kids and the focus changes from yourself to your family, to your children, to you know, that type of thing. But I guess what was being suppressed or not really talked about was the experimentation and the enjoyment of sex is kind of been pushed back [00:12:00] and it becomes like a secondary thing because you have to provide for your family, you have to provide for your children, you have to, right?
[00:12:07] And then when this episode happened or this Kundalini happened, like it just basically kicked down the door and said, you have to go back.
[00:12:17] Michelle: When you had held yourself back, the, I guess your true sexual self through that experience of [00:12:30] growing your family, were you aware of it during that time?
[00:12:34] Bill: You know what?
[00:12:35] I've never really thought about that to be honest with you. I was going about my life, but when this happened, everything's kind of changed and now I'm want to learn again. I want to feel what I felt. before. I talked to a good friend of mine once about it and he looked at me and he said, dude, you're talking hoochie moochie.
[00:12:53] I have no idea what you're talking about. And I went, okay, well that was the end of that. Get off the woo woo. Yeah, get out. Basically, that's what it [00:13:00] was. Right. I also spoke to my regular masseuse that I go and see probably every couple of months or whatever. Right. And so, It went from my RMT being aware of my Kundalini, my Reiki master being aware, and then my regular masseuse being aware.
[00:13:19] But they didn't understand the whole connection and the whole thing.
[00:13:22] Michelle:How did you know they didn't understand? How were they responding that made you feel like they weren't quite getting your experience?
[00:13:28] Bill: That was [00:13:30] basically it. Like when I was asking a question. about how I'm feeling or how I'm responding or just my general questions about why did this happen to me?
[00:13:39] Why did this pick me? It didn't pick me. It was always there. Right. I just let it out. Okay. And people will not let it happen because it's just too far out there. Okay. Like it's, it's too far in the energy. It's too far in the different sexual realms that they just don't want to let it [00:14:00] go out. So I still wanted to learn a little bit more and.
[00:14:05] I started doing some local searches. And then there's a, a, a sex coach relationship person in my area that when I did these searches, this person's name came up and I thought, okay, I'm going to reach out just to see maybe we can have a cup of tea or whatever, just, just to chit chat. And she was very curious and open.
[00:14:26] to see how I felt and why I felt [00:14:30] this way. Like she's never experienced Kundalini, but she understands it. She really pushed me to experiment more with my self pleasure because you know yourself best, right? And if a partner or whoever you're with doesn't understand and is not receptive to it, like you're, you're just, you're still kind of.
[00:14:46] There. So, I started working on my self pleasure practice. And one of the things that kind of got brought up and I stepped out of my comfort zone a little bit more was that the root chakra and [00:15:00] in men, the prostate are very, very close together. Okay. Yeah. So, there was a term that came up called prostate massage and I went, me?
[00:15:11] I'm going to do this?
[00:15:12] Michelle: Wait. Did the coach say that to you?
[00:15:14] Bill: It did get brought up in, My Google searches and then when I brought it up to my sex coach, she said, they kind of work together. The male prostate and the root chakra and the kundalini, they're all in that same little area.
[00:15:26] Michelle: And the root chakra, that's at the base of [00:15:30] your spine?
[00:15:30] Bill: [00:15:30] It's at the very base of your spine. That's where a lot of your sexual energy is. So, she suggested you can get a toy, like you can get an insertable toy and try it on your own. And I'm thinking, this guy? This guy's not doing that.
[00:15:47] Michelle: [00:15:53] What do you mean by that? For you, what did it mean to put something into your anus, I guess?
[00:15:53] Bill: Yeah. Being kind of like, I'm not necessarily, I don't really consider myself an alpha male, but men don't [00:16:00] generally insert things into their anus. You don't generally do that. Where did you get that message from? That was basically the message that was taught and talked about since I was young, right? And a lot of people my age, men my age, unless you're part of the gay or queer community, you just don't do that.
[00:16:18] And that was, that was the education that we had. You just don't do that. But then I got curious, right? So I went out and I got this toy and I brought it in. And when I had a couple [00:16:30] hours to myself, I thought, okay, let's see what all this is about. So I looked at the instructions and I did some more little searches and everything.
[00:16:38] Michelle: Did your partner know that you were going to get this new toy? No, no, not at all. How do you think that They would have responded.
[00:16:45] Bill: Pretty much the same way of my initial reaction, guys, men don't do that. So I tried it. And the first couple times I tried it, it wasn't great. I wasn't really getting any real responses, but it felt good.
[00:16:59] [00:17:00] And I thought, well, as long as I'm not. hurting myself or hurting anybody else. I'm just gonna enjoy myself. Okay. So I kind of made it a little bit part of my self pleasure practice. I tried that for a few months and then I was back and forth with the sex coach and she was encouraging it. She says, okay, so now that you understand it a little bit, not only is there prostate massage, there's prostate orgasms.
[00:17:19] They can be non ejaculatory orgasms and you can have multiples. And I got, oh, okay, you have my attention.
[00:17:26] Michelle: Multiples of something that feels so good, more than one, oh my goodness
[00:17:29] Bill: [00:17:30]. And no refractory period and you can go and go and for as long as you wish kind of thing. And I went, okay. So I continued with that.
[00:17:42] And one afternoon I was home and I was by myself and I thought, okay, let's give this a try. And I just. Let everything go. I didn't think about trying to push for the orgasm. And then all of a sudden, oh my goodness. I, again, I [00:18:00] started to shake. My toes were curling. My kneecaps were twitching. And I'm thinking, what is going on?
[00:18:05] The feeling was a lot more centered in my root. And I'm thinking, okay, I'm onto something. This feels really, really good. And then. The wave just, it washed right over me and it lasted a lot longer, like, I'm just going to ask you this. So male orgasms generally last like, like 10 to 15, 12 seconds kind of thing, right?
[00:18:25] Okay. Before you ejaculate. This one was like, it [00:18:30] felt like a minute, maybe longer, and it was just like this wave of orgasm just went over me and over me and over me. And then it subsided and I thought, what the heck happened? And I looked down and I didn't ejaculate. And I thought. Okay, that's cool. I like that.
[00:18:45] So, I laid there for another few minutes and then it started happening again.
[00:18:50] Michelle: Did you still have that in your
[00:18:51] Bill: butt? Yeah, it was still inserted and it wasn't a vibrating toy or anything. It was just this little insert and it's still sitting in there and I'm thinking, okay. So [00:19:00] this is happening again. So now I'm working on my second orgasm and this time it was a lot stronger and I'm moaning and I'm twitching and I'm shaking around and I'm doing all this other stuff and I went from a what they call a regular prostate orgasm to what they call a super prostate orgasm.
[00:19:19] So this was All over my body, right from my toes to the top of the hair on my head. Everything was tingling. It was [00:19:30] something I have never experienced ever. And it lasted even longer. So, when I realized this session was over, I took the toy out, tried to stand up, I damn near fell because my knees were so weak.
[00:19:44] I got washed up and the rest of the day was just calm, like I thought this was just absolutely fabulous. So the next day I emailed my sex coach and I said, Oh my God, this just happened. She was ecstatic for me. She says, okay, come and see me and we'll talk. And then she started giving me [00:20:00] little tips and advice on how to self pleasure myself, right?
[00:20:04] And how to, again, become multi orgasmic without ejaculating. And this, that was so fabulous. It was so fabulous. So now to this day, I'm still continuing. Enjoying that type of thing.
[00:20:23] Michelle: Do you feel stuck not understanding what's holding you back from having a pleasurable sex life? [00:20:30] You're not alone. That's why I created the unlearning sexual shame module inspired by the stories of countless clients who've struggled silently. This online module is going to give you a path out. Discover the roots of shame, embrace mindfulness to break free from its spiral, and redefine your sexual story with our 14 videos, interactive prompts, as well as a workbook to guide [00:21:00] you along the way.
[00:21:01] This module is perfect for integrating into your own personal therapy or as a journey of self discovery. It's a tool designed to empower you, transform your understanding, to find clarity. To feel lighter, free from the shadows of shame. Your next chapter of empowerment, confidence, and sexual freedom is waiting.
[00:21:24] Join us at GetSome and let's begin the journey of unlearning sexual shame together. [00:21:30] Now, back to the episode.
Michelle: What advice would you offer others? That are struggling with their sexual shame or pushing down their sexual
[00:21:52] Bill: needs. One of the things that I'm finding is a lot of people have a lot of shame about even [00:22:00] talking about sex. There's still a lot of guilt and shame about it. And I feel now. That I'm past it try not to be afraid to make that first step in a phone call to somebody whether you think you need to have some professional advice from a sex educator or a Sex therapist or a somatic educator or a sex coach of some kind it takes a lot to step [00:22:30] into that but once you step through the door and into That realm, the level of comfort is there.
[00:22:39] They are not there to judge you. You're going in and you're asking questions about yourself. You're asking questions about your partner. You're asking questions about how to, how I feel is my, are my body parts normal? Why does my body do what it does? Once I felt I got, was able to get past that. [00:23:00] Then it was a lot easier.
[00:23:02] Like I went talking to one person to talking to four people now and we have fantastic and frank conversations about sex and I never felt judged. It's been very, very relieving.
[00:23:18] Michelle: When you decided to come on this podcast, what was it for you? Why did it feel important for you to? [00:23:30] do this episode.
[00:23:32] Bill: I'll be very honest again, Michelle.
[00:23:35] I love your podcast. They are so fun. I feel good listening to your podcast. Like she's trying to get a message across. Last year, uh, towards the end of your, your season, you put something out there, you know, you're looking for ideas for if there's an idea for a show. And I thought, you know what? My story has to be told.
[00:23:56] I am just a normal average guy. Hopefully it will [00:24:00] resonate with others, but that's just my story. There are literally thousands of other men and women that have a story. Some of them are fantastic. Some of them are a little scary. Some of them are a little sad and some of them are amazing, right? The first session I had with my sex coach, it took me about 10 minutes and I was crying my eyes out because I, I was able to speak freely.
[00:24:27] I never felt judged, but I was able to get my story [00:24:30] across and then I was encouraged. I was encouraged to talk more about my feelings and my sex coach basically said, okay, put it this way. You're walking down the hallway, there's little doors that are open and all you're doing is you're just kind of looking in and going, Oh, that's kind of cool.
[00:24:48] All right, let me look in a little bit further. So you go in and you look and you know what, maybe that's not for me. So if you close the door, you walk a little bit further and then there's something else. It's okay to have a look inside that door and talk to the person that's [00:25:00] in there and have a conversation.
[00:25:02] Michelle: I certainly see that in my practice when I have people come in who have felt so alone with whatever it is that they have been living through when it comes to their relationship to sex and just some of the conflict that comes up with it. And the most rewarding part of my job is when I provide that space [00:25:30] for somebody to be able to talk about something that they've never talked to anybody else about before.
[00:25:38] And they're so afraid that There's something wrong with it, or that they're broken, and when they're able to share that with me, they often, and I would say always, feel so much lighter. This is something that is [00:26:00] awesome that they have experienced and stumbled upon and had the balls to make an appointment with me, to trust me enough, because we hear these messages as you have growing up, especially around toxic masculinity, right?
[00:26:22] Around what men can and cannot do with their bodies and what is okay and not okay. I am so [00:26:30] happy that you curious enough and comfortable enough to reach out to people who helped you then to create a new sexual story for yourself, right? It almost feels as though you have created a chapter two of your sexuality.
[00:26:54] Bill: I never really thought about it that way, but yeah, you're absolutely right. I still find it [00:27:00] overwhelming sometimes. To get the words from my soul out, out this little mouth of mine, because there's so much fear of, of judgment that's out there. Because again, you know, my body's not perfect. My, my genitals aren't perfect, my, you know, like I got this, I got that.
[00:27:16] Okay. And that's just the physical part. The mental side of things is where a lot of struggle happens because, Oh my God, why did I think this about myself or this person? Am I weird? Am I, something's wrong with me? Like, am I, you know, am I going [00:27:30] off the deep end here? No, not really. Being a male, you don't talk about these things, but we kind of have to, to feel that's where it's at.
[00:27:41] Michelle: I know with my experience in my, in my practice that sometimes I am the only other person that ever gets to hear this story. And Yeah. Including their partner not knowing about it. And oftentimes there's a whole [00:28:00] lot of fear around having the conversation with a partner. The worry that it won't be accepted.
[00:28:09] The worry that they will be judged. Because these are really meaningful. relationships, most important relationships of their life, and there's so much fear that that person may not accept it. And look, sometimes that's the case, right? The partner doesn't accept it and well, that's another kind of [00:28:30] conversation that needs to happen to see if there's some way that they could be somewhere in the middle that they can both be okay with this information.
[00:28:39] So, yeah, and some partners are just like, oh, wow, okay, that's like a lot of information that I'm going to need some time to process, but give me some time and I may come along with you and, and meet you somewhere. Where are you at in how this plays out in? Your more [00:29:00] romantic relationship, does it kind of just hold a space of awareness?
[00:29:05] Do you play with it within your relationship?
[00:29:08] Bill: It's been very difficult to talk about it with my partner because it's, it just was, it's just difficult. Again, the fear of judgment, the fear of rejection, the fear of all these things. But I will say that we're working on it. You know, it's [00:29:30] probably been basically over the past about a year where the hard conversation started.
[00:29:39] Some of the conversations go really, really well and some of them don't because both sides, the fear of rejection, the fear of judgment, and just the overall feeling of shame.
[00:29:51] Michelle: Do you think that she'll listen to this episode?
[00:29:54] Bill: I'm unsure to be honest with you. Would you want her to listen to this episode?
[00:29:57] Bill: [00:30:00] Yes. It's part of the evolving relationship. Things will change, right? I change, they change, you know, you also kind of have to work together and find a happy medium there somewhere. And when these conversations don't happen for a long time, that resentment and fear and judgment. They just pile on and pile on and pile on.
[00:30:20] Michelle: Bill, thank you so much for being here today. You have such an interesting, interesting [00:30:30] story and you've been so open. But I think the message here is try to not be alone. with these experiences around your sexuality, right? Find somebody that you can trust and that feels safe enough for you to be able to get curious about it, make meaning about it.[00:31:00]
[00:31:00] And be open to seeing where it takes you, right, because sometimes it can really be freeing and make life lighter and possibly steer you towards a direction of like new interest and a chapter two in your sexual story. So thank you so much for being here, Bill. So appreciate it.
[00:31:26] Bill: Michelle. This has been absolutely [00:31:30] fabulous.
[00:31:30] I truly have enjoyed my time. Keep sending the messages out. What the sex educators do is so important. It needs to be talked about more. Thanks again, Michelle.
[00:31:43] Michelle: Thank you, Bill, for opening up about your sexual journey and helping us dismantle shame associated with sexual exploration. If you have a story that you wanna tell on, get some, email me at michelle@getsome.ca. And don't forget to follow me on [00:32:00] Instagram at GetSome Podcast. You'll get insights on sex and sexuality, dating tips, and behind the scenes content between episodes.
[00:32:09] Our first online learning module called Unlearning Sexual Shame is out. Now, it's designed to help you to begin understanding and unpacking the root cause of sexual shame. Go on our website at GetSome ca to learn more. This show is produced by Katie Jensen at Vocal Fry Studios. Thanks for listening. See you later.