Today we're diving deep into the nuances of initiation. We'll discuss sexual initiation, its dynamics, and why understanding our preferences is more crucial than we might think. If you've ever felt a little out of sync with your partner or just curious about how to create a bridge to sexual connection, this episode is for you. Let's get started!
Today we're diving deep into the nuances of initiation. We'll discuss sexual initiation, its dynamics, and why understanding our preferences is more crucial than we might think. If you've ever felt a little out of sync with your partner or just curious about how to create a bridge to sexual connection, this episode is for you. Let's get started!
Show Notes
Intro:
Desire Discrepancy:
Initiating Sex:
The 0 to 10 Scale of Sexual Initiation:
Practical Exercise:
Conclusion:
Outro:
Resources & Links:
[00:00:00] Michelle: Have you ever thought about what your favorite way is to either experience somebody initiating sex with you or the way that you initiate sex? What I've learned is that people aren't always on the same page about this, and maybe it's gone on for long enough that there seems to be a desire discrepancy. Maybe one person, yeah, is experiencing low desire, and maybe they haven't always been on the same page over the years, reconnecting about how either their relationship with sex has changed because sex is fluid, right?
[00:00:55] It changes, and people's desire levels are affected by all sorts of things or even interest levels, right? Wanting to become more adventurous, let's say, in sex. Maybe monogamy worked at one point in their life, and now they're thinking about having an open relationship. But anyways, getting back to how do you initiate sex?
[00:01:19] It takes a conversation, and this is what I tend to do. Here's a good question to think to yourself. Okay. If you're to create a line with zero on the far left side and ten on the far right side, and ten is after-sex play, right? So that might just be cuddling and hanging out, you know, for the seven minutes that you should all be hanging out after sex because there's research to show that for couples that stay in bed for seven minutes and cuddle after they have sex, they tend to report that sexual experience as more satisfying.
[00:02:06] Okay, so that is ten. Zero is not really even having sex on the mind. Okay. Say I ask you, okay, from zero to 10, when would you love the beginning of the initiation to happen? Some people, they go from zero to one. Number one is, well, we start making out on the couch, and like, number two is the clothes are starting to get ripped off. Right? Where somebody else might say, "Oh, well, we wake up in the morning and we have coffee together." Right? So for them, they think of a sexual experience as being what also is happening outside of the sexual experience, the lead up to it. Right? People do not talk about sex very often in relationships. Do this exercise and find out what the ideal sexual encounter looks like for your partner.
[00:03:06] And then the key is seeing which are the parts that are similar. Which are the parts that are different and then negotiating and finding a sexual encounter that works for the both of you. And so this just helps people have a conversation about where they might be similar and different and how to make sexual encounters a shared experience where they're working together as a team and really trying to support each other, getting into a mind frame that's conducive for an awesome sexual experience. I hope you enjoyed this week's Quickie and have an awesome day. Bye.