At a young age, Chris was diagnosed with a medical micropenis. For years, he struggled with sex and dating until he discovered two kinks that fueled a macro sex drive – Small Penis Humiliation and Cuckolding. Talking about shame, sexuality, and penis size is particularly challenging for cis men due to toxic masculinity. But Chris’ story isn’t exclusively for people with penises (or people with micropenises, for that matter). Chris’ journey to self-acceptance and sexual pleasure is an incredible lesson in making the most with what you’re given, and learning to love yourself exactly as you are.
At a young age, Chris was diagnosed with a medical micropenis. For years, he struggled with sex and dating until he discovered two kinks that fueled a macro sex drive – Small Penis Humiliation and Cuckolding. Talking about shame, sexuality, and penis size is particularly challenging for cis men due to toxic masculinity. But Chris’ story isn’t exclusively for people with penises (or people with micropenises, for that matter). Chris’ journey to self-acceptance and sexual pleasure is an incredible lesson in making the most with what you’re given, and learning to love yourself exactly as you are.
Show Notes
Introduction: [00:00:00]
Chris shares his struggle with feeling inadequate due to his micropenis diagnosis.
Early Diagnosis: [00:00:43]
Chris was diagnosed with a micropenis at a young age, which led to feelings of shame and inadequacy.
He recalls being informed about his condition by a doctor at the age of five, with his parents' reaction being discomfort and avoidance.
Emotional Impact: [00:08:30]
Chris expresses feeling pathetic and inferior due to societal expectations and experiences in high school.
Coping Mechanisms: [00:10:24]
Despite initial struggles, Chris found solace in embracing his kinks, particularly small penis humiliation and cuckolding.
He discusses the arousal derived from these fantasies and his approach to exploring them safely.
Dating and Relationships: [00:17:54]
Chris opens up about his challenges with dating and rejection due to his condition.
He shares his experiences with being honest about his condition and the responses he has received from potential partners.
Self-Acceptance: [00:27:05]
Over time, Chris has worked on building his self-confidence and accepting himself for who he is.
He encourages listeners to embrace their bodies and pursue happiness despite societal pressures.
Closing Thoughts: [00:30:44]
Chris offers words of encouragement to those facing similar challenges, urging them not to give up on finding love and acceptance.
[00:00:00] Chris: I feel like I couldn't fulfill this masculine role that I was supposed to have. Traditionally men are supposed to fulfill, like provider, protector, et cetera. I felt even if I nailed those down, and I could make a lot of money, I could be all these masculine things. I felt like that would be all irrelevant, just by having a small penis. Like, it wouldn't, none of that would matter, even if I fulfilled everything else.
[00:00:23] Michelle: Do you find yourself worrying about the size of your penis? Secretly measuring yourself and comparing yourself to others? Imagine if your worries weren't all in your head. Today we're talking to Chris, who, at a young age, was diagnosed with a medical micropenis.
[00:00:43] Chris: Three and a half inches erect is considered a micropenis. But it was so small, flaccid even, that they could comfortably diagnose from birth.
[00:00:54] Michelle: After years of struggling with dating and less than ideal sexual encounters, he had an interesting turn of events. What started off as a source of shame became the foundation for two of his biggest kinks. Small penis humiliation and cuckolding.
[00:01:16] Chris: It's a mind thing. It's not the physical aspect of someone having sex with your wife or your girlfriend. It's what's going on in your mind. But most importantly, what's going on in her [00:01:30] mind. And if she's thinking a lot about it, how this is weird and how it's great. Unexpectedly and how she's communicating that to me during the act and maybe even after that's where I get the pleasure from
[00:01:45] Michelle: If you're struggling with the size of your penis and you want to reclaim your sexual self, this episode is for you. Chris is going to share his story with us.
[00:02:00] Michelle:Hey Chris, thank you so much for being here.
[00:02:02] Chris: Thank you.
[00:02:04] Michelle: What inspired you to come on GETSOME and to talk about your medical micro penis.
[00:02:14] Chris: Yeah, so, it's been a long journey, of course, having one and going through life having one. Obviously, there's a lot of shame around it, and, you know, especially with toxic masculinity and whatnot, it can be very difficult to wrap your mind around, okay, this is my reality forever. And, I just don't want to live unhappily forever.
[00:02:39] You know, I want there to be some sort of happy ending. And so, I thought the best way to Go about that would be first to see a therapist, which I have in the past regarding this and then I thought I'd get more involved and see if I could get my voice out there to others because I know there's other people with this condition and with my kinks and say, Hey, you're not alone and you can actually have fun with this.
[00:03:05] You can actually make the most of what you're given.
[00:03:08] Michelle: If you don't mind, I'm going to take you back a little bit. I wanted to know a little bit about how old you were when you were told that you have a micropenis, or that you even discovered it yourself.
[00:03:26] Chris: So, one afternoon when I was around five years old, [00:03:30] my mother took me to my primary care physician. And, I remember the doctor lady told me that I had an abnormally small penis, but that it wouldn't affect my development in any way or have any effect on my life. And it wasn't until about seven or so years after that when I started to notice that there was something not quite right compared to the other, Boys that I was [00:04:00] around
[00:04:01] Michelle: When you were five years old and the doctor said to you that you have an abnormally small penis, Do you remember? How your mother reacted or if there were any conversations about it after.
[00:04:21] Chris: So, I don't know what their initial reaction was because they I know I was diagnosed as soon as I was born. the nurses [00:04:30] who delivered me, they told my parents immediately.
[00:04:36] Michelle: When did you find that out?
[00:04:37] Chris: When I was about 13 or so years old. It was hard, to be honest. It was hard.
[00:04:46] Michelle: And when they told you, what did you notice about their comfort level in talking about this
[00:04:56] Chris: They were not comfortable, I could tell, just by the tone of voice. [00:05:00] They were pretty avoidant about it. They didn't want to answer many questions. I think they had the best, my best interest at heart. Like, they didn't want me to overthink this and to, Talk about it too much because then they would think they start to think that I'm thinking about it too much Clearly if I'm talking about it a lot, so they kind of just brush it off like it's nothing But I could tell it was difficult for them to have that conversation
[00:05:29] Michelle: Were you told about why you had an abnormally small penis? Was there genetically a reason for that or medically a reason for that, physiologically a reason for that?
[00:05:46] Chris: Two reasons we think I mean, we don't know for sure but we think one is definitely genetic for sure there's a genetic component, and two, there was a hormonal imbalance, when I was in the womb. And that affects testosterone levels in the womb when you're a baby, and that affects development, of course, of the male organs.
[00:06:10] Michelle: when it comes to a medical diagnosis of a micropenis. What do they base that on in terms of size?
[00:06:21] Chris: So obviously i've done a little research into this of course, I think the agreed upon consensus from medical community is three and a half inches Erect is considered a micropenis. Okay, so they take the size based on when you have an erection. Because flaccid varies, of
[00:06:47] Michelle: Yeah, that's what I was thinking, because when they diagnose you as a baby with a micropenis, I guess they're going based on you having a flaccid…
[00:07:02] Chris: It was flaccid…
[00:07:03] Michelle: …penis, or like when you went to the doctor,
[00:07:06] Chris: But it was so small, flaccid even, that they could comfortably diagnose from birth.
[00:07:12] Michelle: And so, you're 13. Your parents sit down, they have this conversation with you, they confirm, why penis looks different from other kids your age. And what happened to you? What did you feel?
[00:07:41] Chris: To be honest, I felt pretty pathetic. And not in a good way. And I distinguish between that because there's two types of shame, in my opinion. There's like bad shame, like we shouldn't shame, gay people for being gay, for example. And then there's erotic shame, which is, plays into the kinks which is shame that you control, that is for, for sex, and so on.
[00:08:11] Michelle: Yeah, so it's like shame that is eroticized and brings you pleasure during a sexual experience or during self pleasure.
[00:08:22] Chris: exactly.
[00:08:24] Michelle: So it wasn't the good. Shame. It was the shame where you felt completely [00:08:30] pathetic.
[00:08:30] Chris: definitely. And that's the word I used, that's the exact word I used when I saw my therapist about it.
[00:08:34] I had self image issues. And to an extent today as well, but not nearly as bad, but from 13 to 19 specifically, that was a very rough time for me.
[00:08:48] I definitely thought of myself as an inferior human. And that's where a lot of that comes from,
[00:08:54] Michelle: Hmm.
[00:08:56] Michelle: where do you think you got that message that you were an inferior human?
[00:09:03] Chris: just from hearing, girls, at school. Because, a lot of them were having sex for the first time at that age, or around that age in high school, 15, 16, 17. And they would always talk about how important it was for their partner to have a large penis. So, not even being average really messed with me.
[00:09:28] I feel like I couldn't fulfill this masculine role that I was supposed to have
[00:09:33] think of all the things, the intangibles that traditionally men are supposed to fulfill, like provider, protector, et cetera. I felt even if I nailed those down, and I could make a lot of money, I could be all these masculine things,
[00:09:48] I felt like that would be all irrelevant, just by having a small penis. Like, it wouldn't, none of that would matter, even if I fulfilled everything else.
[00:09:56] I had to see a counselor for quite some time. and even that didn't help that much. I had to do a lot of work myself outside of therapy to start to really heal.
[00:10:12] Michelle: When did things start to change for you?
[00:10:20] Chris: it started to change when I started, discovering my kinks.
[00:10:24] So there was a precipitating experience in high school that was not very good at all, [00:10:30] but it was the genesis of my journey. So I was a freshman in high school and I remember, After gym class one afternoon, I was kind of separated from my class, my group and there were these, girls who were kind of picking on me, it's just kind of like you would see in a movie, like a teenage movie. they
[00:10:55] Michelle: Mm hmm.
[00:10:56] Chris: the, uh, bleachers in the gym, and they stripped me naked.
[00:11:02] I felt so vulnerable and exposed. And, I just couldn't resist what they were doing. Because I'm not a very big person. Like, in both ways and then, they proceeded just to utterly humiliate me. That just happened once. But, of course, they talked about i. it followed me for a while, unfortunately.
[00:11:27] Michelle: I can't even imagine how hard that must have been.
[00:11:32] Chris: Yeah, so, I was not feeling good,up until that point in time, that was sort of the only experience I had being, naked around a woman, or anything sexual at all. And so that was my whole sexual world, so basically, because that's all I had to go off of whenever I would self pleasure, I just found myself back at that moment.
[00:11:59] Michelle: When you reflect back on that, what would you name it as?
[00:12:05] Chris: I don't want to name it rape, because I think that's an insult to people who've actually been violently assaulted, so I would not go that far, but I mean, they did touch me, so, I would say it was inappropriate, unconsensual, and it was physical, and it was all very bad, I would call it extreme bullying,
[00:12:34] Michelle: Yeah. So this becomes your template. and so I guess that leads us into how it started to play out in your mind in a sexual way, so what was that like for you?
[00:13:04] Chris: I felt dirty about it for a long time, for sure.
[00:13:07] Michelle: And how did you undirty the fantasy?
[00:13:16] Chris: It took a long time, but as I found out, via the internet, that this is actually an extremely common fantasy. A lot of guys are in my situation, and I internally evaluated the situation where this is just, it's not my fault, I am the way I am, there's lots of things we don't ask for or control, but I want to be happy, plain and simple, at the end of the day, and I have this fantasy I discovered or multiple fantasies and I'm going to try to accept myself and be a, you know, an example, hopefully, for other people.
[00:14:09] In my situation by, talking to people like you and getting the word out there because I don't want to be diminished by people's toxic masculinity and traditional values. I think that's just so bad for everyone and I'm not going to let myself be a victim of that. I personally feel I would have more pleasure [00:14:30] if I had standard penis size. For penetration reasons, because with my size, some people with micropenises can, but I can't penetrate. So I think I'd have more pleasure if I could. But other than that, it functions just like normal.
[00:14:27] Michelle: When you say, you. started to fantasize about aspects of that experience that was very humiliating, how does that play out for you? Or is it something that you keep within your fantasy? Or have you found a way to be able to experience that in person or in a relationship? Where are you with this fantasy?
[00:15:36] Chris: I like to keep it in the bedroom. ideally I would have an equal relationship. Where, as far as outside of the bedroom, I believe in 50 50. So I believe no one should dominate the other. it's just something that stays in the bedroom for me. So I've never been in, a committed relationship. I've only had friends with benefits who are into the kinky stuff. I use Feeld. It's an app for kinky folks. And that's how I find people to play with. But I've never actually been in, like, a committed relationship.
[00:16:24] Michelle: So when you are on Feeld, are you pretty explicit with who you are, what you're looking for? Do they know? Is it in your profile that you enjoy that humiliation aspect of sex and having a small penis?
[00:16:42] Chris: Yes, I'm very forthcoming. So every, all of my details are in my bio, except for my name, of course.
[00:16:53] Michelle: generally, do you meet with couples or is it one on one?
[00:17:00] Chris: For me, I just like single women.
[00:17:08] Michelle: And so then I guess the aspect that is arousing for you is when they will say things and are very clearly, saying things about the size of your penis. Yeah.
[00:17:22] Chris: Yeah, that's definitely one of the biggest tenets of, of it, for sure.
[00:17:28] Michelle: [00:17:30] And is it one offs or do you have regular people that you see?
[00:17:36] Chris: Most unfortunately are one offs, but I've, I've been with, three that were ongoing for a time. Right now, I'm not with anyone in that capacity.
[00:17:46] Michelle: Yeah. Talk to me about dating. Is that something that you're interested in?
[00:17:54] Chris: I, I want to be married someday.
[00:17:58] I just haven't had any luck.
[00:18:03] Michelle: say more about that when you say that I just haven't had any luck. what do you mean?
[00:18:08] Chris: Of course, when you get past the first few dates, and, you get to know each other on an intimate level, they find out my condition. unfortunately, I haven't found anyone who wanted to be with me after they learned about that.
[00:18:27] Michelle: And you've had these conversations with women, what do they say?
[00:18:32] Chris: Only one was ever not nice about it. The rest, I'm very thankful for them for taking it the way they did, or talking to me the way they did, you know, they were very gentle. there was no reason for me to get upset, and I've never gotten upset with anyone who rejected me for that reason.
[00:18:50] I totally get it. I understand they're not wrong. in the same way that I enjoy my kinks. It's just what I enjoy. They want something different. They like bigger. And that's not something you can get mad at someone for. That's just simply what they want. Am I sad with the whole situation overall? Sure, of course. But, I am not angry at them. At all. I'm just happy that they're forthcoming. Because I wouldn't want to be let on. Only for them to later say, I can't do this.
[00:19:26] Michelle: Is it hard putting yourself out there into the dating world knowing that you're gonna inevitably have to have that conversation?
[00:19:36] Chris: Yes, it's very hard. and it hurts every time, they say it's not going to work out for that reason. When I'm looking for people that I'm interested in, I just have these thoughts. I wonder like Okay, how is she going to react? Hmm, I think maybe I could see her being nice about it, or I could imagine, just based on what I'm seeing and talking to her, if she wouldn't be nice about it. And, whether that's true or not, I have no idea until I find out, but it produces a lot of anxiety.
[00:20:06] Michelle: When you think about eventually finding somebody who you talk to about it and for them penis size is irrelevant. Would you want to bring your kinks into the bedroom with them?
[00:20:26] Chris: Oh, that is, that is like my million dollar question. [00:20:30] Because, I guess I haven't actually loved someone, truly. And I've never actually truly been loved in that way. I'm scared to bring those kinks in. because they're probably just thinking, Okay, he just wants someone to love him as who he is despite his, shortcomings, no pun intended.
[00:20:52] but what if I hit them with that, like the kinks, and they're like, oh my god. I don't know if they're going to know what to do, or if they're [00:21:00] okay with it initially, but then what if they fall out of love with me for, when we do these kinks and we bring, another guy into it, would they want to leave me for him?
[00:21:12] Or would they be like, I've been missing out on this and I can't do this with you anymore because I want what this other guy is able to give me?
[00:21:22] Michelle: Yeah. So there's like a ton of fear around. the idea that you could [00:21:30] fall in love with somebody and somebody who accepts all parts of you, including your penis, and then you introduce them to your fantasy world, which it sounds like involves either talking about somebody else coming into, The bedroom with the two of you, or actually having somebody come into the [00:22:00] bedroom with you. You're terrified that either they're gonna think that gross, or there's something wrong with that, or they might fall in love with some other guy's cock.
[00:22:19] Chris: That's, that's the big concern.
[00:22:23] Michelle: and it sounds like the humiliation aspect is very much about [00:22:30] somebody else coming into the room, whether it's fantasy, real life, who has a larger penis, and you would be watching that, I guess. That's sad, Howard. And it's often, I think, the fear of people who, guys who are really into that whole cuckolding fantasy, [00:23:00] which is an extremely common fantasy amongst men. Part of what is so arousing is the potential of loss.
[00:23:14] Chris: Yes, absolutely
[00:23:16] Michelle: It kind of ups the ante of excitement.cBut ultimately, you don't want that to happen.
[00:23:21] Chris: No. but it's just in that moment, the jitters, your blood rushing through your body and it's a mind thing. It's not the physical [00:23:30] aspect of someone having sex with your wife or your girlfriend. It's not the physical thing.
[00:23:36] It's not the tangible part. It's what's going on in your mind. But most importantly, what's going on in her mind. That's the big thing. What is she thinking? what is she doing? Is she being like WTF? Is she being like, wow, this is great, wow, this is so taboo and we're doing something that's so taboo.
[00:23:58] this is wild, this is a mindfuck. The mindfuck for both of us is where the turn on comes. And if she's thinking a lot about it, how this is weird and how it's great. Unexpectedly and how she's communicating that to me during the act and maybe even after that's where I get the pleasure from
[00:24:19] Michelle: Yeah. And I, I don't think that your wish is that farfetched. I think that it happens, because [00:24:30] When a couple can come together and as a team, they've really developed this fantasy together that she is aware of what turns. You on, and you're aware that she knows that, big turn on and there's the safety, right, it's about you and her, [00:25:00] even though she's with him. You're still in it,
[00:25:06] Chris: Yes, definitely.
[00:25:10] Michelle: It requires dating people, that are more open minded that understand how this fantasy works, that they don't have to take such serious meaning to it, right? some [00:25:30] women are shocked when they hear that their husband partner wants them to have sex with another guy, right?
[00:25:38] but dating on Feeld is probably a good place to meet more open minded people, I imagine.
[00:25:47] Chris: Yeah, there's a lot of different people I do have trouble finding people even there who are into my thing Usually it's the women on there who are looking for what we call bulls in that [00:26:00] dynamic, in that cuckolding dynamic.
[00:26:02] Michelle: Okay. Right? And a bull being somebody who has a larger penis that would take more of a dominant role in the sexual experience?
[00:26:10] Chris: So usually they already have their cuck, whether that's their boyfriend or their husband. but there's really not that many women looking to be in a meaningful relationship and then do the kink on the side.
[00:26:23] Michelle: I listen to people talk about sex all day, every day, [00:26:30] and I'm always amazed by how people are willing to think outside of the box for somebody that they really, really love and care for. So, I wondered, for you, what were some of the most helpful ways to build [00:27:00] your self confidence, to build your self worth?
[00:27:05] Chris: I still struggle with that in some ways, but. I just eventually came to terms with my situation, and I tried to do well with my hobbies and work outside, of the bedroom, and my situation, and I just thought, well, it wouldn't be true to say I don't care completely anymore, but I don't care nearly as much [00:27:30] anymore what I Others think because I used to care too much and it was driving me crazy and I just mentally shut myself off from that and then I just started telling myself I don't care until I I cared a lot less and that's basically where I am at now But I can't really put my my finger on an activity or a thought process specifically That got me to where I am today
[00:27:57] Michelle: Were there resources, things that you found online that helped you to not feel so alone?
[00:28:04] Chris: I tried to look at a lot of pages like yours on Instagram, and there's a lot of, and it's, it's good to know, it's good to see those messages, don't get me wrong, across, sex positive accounts. But, it was, like, 90 percent me doing work just to not care anymore. Really, just what others thought, and just worrying about what others feel. I did it for a long time, and it sucked, and I just, it was, like, almost. one morning, I just started to care less and less and less.
[00:28:39] Michelle: Yeah. would you say to listeners who are struggling right now to accept their own bodies, their penis size, their kinks,[00:29:00]
[00:29:01] Chris: I would say you aren't in control of the cards that are dealt in your life as far as those things. Like your sexual orientation, your kinks, your body. We don't choose those things. It's not like an avatar in a video game where you choose. And we, as far as I know, and anyone else, we have one life to live.
[00:29:24] And why on earth would you worry About what [00:29:30] some hateful person Thinks you should be And they're telling you What their belief system is and they're trying to shove it on you and saying you can't Have fun, or you can't love yourself Why would you let them influence you? You know what?
[00:29:45] It's like to have fun, you know What it's like to be happy and the best part is they they are not required in that Dynamic they're not necessary at all. You can do that on your own All you need to [00:30:00] do is talk positively to yourself and be around people who, validate you for being who you are.
[00:30:07] Michelle: I'm so appreciative of you coming on GETSOME and talking about your story and so brilliantly coming up with a way of looking at it, with a way of fantasizing about it, [00:30:30] making it erotic, to give yourself the opportunity to experience the pleasure that your body was made up to give you. Any last thoughts before we wrap up?
[00:30:44] Chris: I would like to tell people who are in my situation, don't give up. I do think that there is someone for everyone out there. as far as we're concerned, it's definitely going to be harder. But, I would say please don't give up. You can still have that dream situation that you want. just keep plugging away. And, I'm a firm believer in that the universe will reward you for that.