As a sex worker, Shannon Ariel, founder of Pink Banana Sparkles, always had a strong relationship with sex & her body. …but after her first child, she felt something shift. With a changing body and changing needs, Shannon had to rebuild her relationship with herself, her sex life, and her career. For many, motherhood takes a toll on their sex lives. Their priorities, bodies, and relationships are drastically different than they were before they had their kids, and getting back to a place of confidence, pleasure, and fulfillment can often be an uphill battle. For Shannon, a retired sex worker turned fashion designer, and mom whose identity is linked to her sexuality, this shift was a jarring one that required her to look at her life from a wider lens. What started as a journey to rediscover her sexuality postpartum turned into Shannon learning to put herself first, having the best sex of her life, and bravely sharing her story so that other women know they’re not alone.
As a sex worker, Shannon Ariel, founder of Pink Banana Sparkles, always had a strong relationship with sex & her body.
…but after her first child, she felt something shift. With a changing body and changing needs, Shannon had to rebuild her relationship with herself, her sex life, and her career.
For many, motherhood takes a toll on their sex lives. Their priorities, bodies, and relationships are drastically different than they were before they had their kids, and getting back to a place of confidence, pleasure, and fulfillment can often be an uphill battle. For Shannon, a retired sex worker turned fashion designer, and mom whose identity is linked to her sexuality, this shift was a jarring one that required her to look at her life from a wider lens. What started as a journey to rediscover her sexuality postpartum turned into Shannon learning to put herself first, having the best sex of her life, and bravely sharing her story so that other women know they’re not alone.
Where to find Shannon?
https://www.pinkbananasparkles.com/
Instagram and Facebook: @pinkbananasparkles
[00:00:00] Shannon: If this isn't. Giving me more satisfaction than a fucking nap. Then I'm not interested.
[00:00:09] Michelle: What happens when a sex worker finds out that she's pregnant, has all the intentions of working, but emotionally she can't get herself to continue?
[00:00:22] Does she trade in her collection of 8 inch platforms for a minivan? Does her sex life turn from flavorful kinks to vanilla [00:00:30] missionary? Well, there's a lot more
[00:00:32] Shannon: I love being naked on camera like that pleasure from performance. It's still very very very much Inside of me and it comes out sometimes Just not on demand. It comes out what I want it to
[00:00:46] Michelle: Today we're talking to Shannon Ariel, a solo mother and former sex worker who now runs her erotic art business, pink banana sparkles.
[00:00:59] After spending most of her twenties in the sex industry, Shannon found herself in a whirlwind romance and suddenly thrust into motherhood.
[00:01:12] Shannon: I went from being a forever single porn star who did what she wanted, when she wanted, how she wanted, was wildly independent, , to all of a sudden I was engaged, [00:01:30] pregnant, married, mother.
[00:01:31] Michelle: Despite her partner at the time initially being enamored by her sex work, once she got pregnant the relationship turned stagnant. And like a lot of heterosexual couples, sex started to feel like a chore. Yes. Even for a professional.
[00:01:51] Shannon: I would talk to so many moms and we would have this conversation and a lot of them be like, you know, like I had the greatest sex with my husband [00:02:00] before all of a sudden it's not doing it for me. Oh, let's, we're going to have sex tonight. Right? Like, how would you do the dishes first?
[00:02:08] Michelle: The journey into motherhood and real world rela The journey into motherhood and real world relationships forced Shannon to ask herself what she really wanted out of sex and to reevaluate her relationships with other people and with her body too.
[00:02:25] Shannon: I had no energy to be performative, but I also wasn't being satisfied the other [00:02:30] way. And for the first time ever, I Was taking my time with masturbation my favorite routine would be to have a shower Masturbate and have a nap in the afternoon before going to work. And I would take time and I would try all these new fucking things.
[00:02:52] Michelle: I'm talking to Shannon about how her motherhood journey revolutionized the way she thinks about pleasure and intimacy for the [00:03:00] better.
[00:03:00] Here's my conversation with Shannon.
[00:03:04] Shannon, thank you so much for being here today.
[00:03:08] Shannon: Oh, thank you for having me, I'm very excited.
[00:03:12] Michelle: Describe your sex life before you got pregnant?
[00:03:18] Shannon: Sex is one of my fascination interests and I grew up. Wanting to know everything. So I read all the books, I read all the [00:03:30] magazines. I learned all of the tricks before I knew any of the basics. Sex is very, very performative for me. Not in a bad way. I got so much pleasure from the performance.
[00:03:43] And it was like performance based on real, right? It's kind of like actors and improv, I guess, but I loved to be best. Maybe I was gave the best blow job. Maybe I was the sexiest, maybe they didn't care what I looked like, but [00:04:00] I made their brain blow to pieces. Like that, it didn't matter what the best was. I just wanted to be the best.
[00:04:06] Michelle: To never be forgotten.
[00:04:09] Shannon: I wanted to be stuck in their memory forever. And it wasn't like I get pleasure from pleasuring people, which I did as a chronic people pleaser, but I got pleasure from being the best. I had tried to date throughout all my sex work and whatnot, and I met a lot of really, really nice people, but a part of me is still very, Internally vanilla, and so I would meet [00:04:30] these people that would fit that they'd be intrigued by the rest. And a lot of them would try to be okay with it because like, Oh, I really like you. I think I can be okay with this line of work that you do. And I would try to be exclusive with them, but still do my work.
[00:04:46] Yeah. But it was, it was exhausting because most men could not handle it. I couldn't talk about certain things. I couldn't be excited about certain things. I had to pretend that everything didn't exist.
[00:04:57] And then I met someone who had [00:05:00] experience with sex workers who met me as my alter ego and it was a very, very fast, not healthy relationship. Within like three months we were living together. I'd never lived together with anybody in my life. Within a year we were engaged. Six months after that I was pregnant. You know, a few months after that we were married. Then I had, then we had a baby,
[00:05:24] Michelle: So the sex that you had, with work and then the sex that you had, let's [00:05:30] say in the romantic relationship in the, I don't know, maybe even the sex that.
[00:05:36] to make a baby or not maybe consciously to make a baby. Was it a different kind of sex for
[00:05:42] Shannon: Back then, I would have said yes. I took my performance down, but it was never, it wasn't about me. And like, when you go your whole life, not Knowing how to answer the question, What do you want?
[00:05:58] Michelle: [00:06:00] Yes.
[00:06:00] Shannon: How do you answer the question? What do you want? My God. I don't know. And then you're just like, oh, well, I guess I'll give you a blowjob.
[00:06:08] Michelle: I think it is so common that, we'll say many, many younger women are, are having more performative sex, right? They're doing, what they think they should be doing versus being able to actually look within their body and take that space up to, to be [00:06:30] like, Oh, this really feels good.
[00:06:33] Keep doing that. It's always like, let me give you a blow job. Let me do this. And I, and I'm saying this based on like also personal experience, right? As a younger person who was sexually active, it was very performative. And I hope I put some good performances on for people.
[00:06:50] Shannon: And like, it's very vulnerable, right? To allow yourself to figure out what you [00:07:00] want, it's trial and error, and you, if you're with someone for one night, there's no time for trial and error. There's no room for trial and error, unless you know exactly what you want, you can't really say it. You have to figure it out yourself on your own, but you also have to have a partner who is willing to help you figure it out, who is willing to try some new things, who is willing to put in a little bit more work, a little bit more effort.
[00:07:25] Like My partner now, he plays the long game and he'll spend all day [00:07:30] with the little touches and because he knows that by the end of the day, when it's time, I will be more relaxed. I will feel loved and, you know, so to speak. Um,
[00:07:44] Michelle: Foreplay is everything after the last orgasm.
[00:07:48] Shannon: Right. It is. It's everything. It's, it's everything.
[00:07:53] Michelle: So then you get pregnant and it felt good. Like you were, you felt like you had a healthy [00:08:00] relationship with your body during that time. The worries were very much what is my body going to be like after, is that?
[00:08:10] Shannon: Yes, and how well will I respond to my body after I had gone through many destructive habits in relation to my body. And then when I got pregnant, I, as soon as my bumps started to show, I didn't necessarily feel sexy, but I [00:08:30] felt.
[00:08:30] Good, because I have a squishy belly and I didn't like how certain clothes would like dig in, in certain ways, right? And so when I got that firm little belly, all of a sudden I was like, I was wearing tight things and it was great.
[00:08:44] I was like, oh my god, people are celebrating my belly.
[00:08:47] That's a delight. Nobody's done that. I've never done that.
[00:08:50] Michelle: It sounds like you were quite critical on your body
[00:08:55] Shannon: Yes. Very, very critical. I'm a millennial as we grew [00:09:00] up with the teen, the, you know, what do they call the heroin chic models, the super low rise jeans and the special K diet and the pinch and inch. And then when I, when I got pregnant, somehow, even though I was struggling with a lot of things.
[00:09:17] Somehow I knew, book a photoshoot with a photographer I had loved for a sexy pregnancy photoshoot. I didn't feel sexy, but I knew that I would [00:09:30] need that. And it
[00:09:31] Michelle: yeah,
[00:09:32] Shannon: Everything. It, it changed a lot for me. I looked at these photos and I was like, Oh, yes. And I'm like, wait, doesn't everybody do that?
[00:09:40] No, no, they don't.
[00:09:42] Michelle: What came together for you? What was that yes moment?
[00:09:47] Shannon: It was being naked on camera again. Love Being naked on camera like that performative part of me that pleasure from performance. It's still very very very much [00:10:00] Inside of me and it comes out sometimes Just not on demand.
[00:10:03] It comes out what I want it to just nice
[00:10:06] Michelle: yeah,
[00:10:07] Shannon: But I feel powerful. I feel powerful in my nudity Even if I'm not super thrilled with my body being naked I feel very very powerful
[00:10:17] Michelle: tell me about how old you were when you decided that you wanted to have kids.
[00:10:25] Shannon: Well, it was about a few months after I got pregnant. I was never [00:10:30] actively against having children.
[00:10:33] Michelle: Okay.
[00:10:34] Shannon: But it wasn't on my radar. I was working full time in the sex industry. And I liked focusing on myself. And then I was engaged, but then I got pregnant and was a very strange and hard and eye opening time for me.
[00:10:56] Michelle: Was it because you were [00:11:00] conflicted as to what it was that you wanted in your life at that point in time?
[00:11:06] Shannon: Yes. Everything got shifted. Within like two or three weeks, I stopped, I was like, Oh God, I don't want to do this work anymore. When I was doing the sex work, I was like, I need to switch everything.
[00:11:17] Michelle: What was it about needing to stop?
[00:11:20] Shannon: Physical contact with all other people. It really changed and I don't know if it was heightened sensitivities in certain ways or if it was a mental thing. It was, [00:11:30] I'm not sure, but it was a very quick, okay, I need to come up with a new solution.
[00:11:35]
[00:11:35] Michelle: And so after you had your baby. What was that time like for you?
[00:11:46] Shannon: it was strange. When I was nearing the end of my pregnancy, I was working nights and my husband was working days. And for the first time ever, [00:12:00] I Was taking my time with masturbation and I was not just doing a five minute before I have to go to sleep I was taking my time and I was trying new things my favorite routine would be to have a shower Masturbate and have a nap in the afternoon before going to work.
[00:12:21] What? In the sunshine it was Lovely. And I [00:12:30] had never even been able to masturbate to climax with my hand before. And I would take time and I would try all these new fucking things.
[00:12:39] Michelle: Why?
[00:12:39] Shannon: I think maybe because I didn't feel sexy with my partner. I didn't feel that drive to, that people talk about to have a lot of sex when you're pregnant. It felt very clinical. And I was like, ugh. So I had no, I had no energy to be performative, but I also wasn't being satisfied the other way.
[00:12:59] Because I didn't know what the [00:13:00] other way was. Sometimes they would coexist, but I didn't know how to only be me in the moment. There was always, always a level of performance and so I just, I wasn't feeling it.
[00:13:12] So I guess one of my favorite things I used to do years ago was essentially the same thing. I used to love having a shower, masturbate, and take a nap. It's fucking great. Just be naked. And so then I just, I started and each, every day I just started exploring myself. More and more and more and more and more and I [00:13:30] didn't have a conscious plan, but that set me up for more care for myself later.
[00:13:37] Michelle: I wanted to ask you about, why you weren't experiencing that kind of pleasure or sexual connection with your husband at the time. What changed?
[00:13:53] Shannon: There were so many things in my life that changed really, really, really drastically, really [00:14:00] fucking fast. I went from being a forever single porn star who did what she wanted, when she wanted, how she wanted, was wildly independent, loving, but wildly independent, to all of a sudden I was engaged, pregnant, married, mother.
[00:14:23] I stopped sex work. I stopped all of these things. I'm at home. My husband's trying to convince me that I wear too much pink, [00:14:30] that I shouldn't have blonde hair or pink hair, that I should have brown hair, and that I need to dress like a mom, some of those happen slowly, like the little, like the frog in the pot of boiling water, it was like, Oh, really, really supportive, but right. And so all of these things within two years, my entire life got flipped upside down. I had saved for a very long time to get this apartment, right. And it was, I was going to make it into a big fucking closet.
[00:14:54] That was my plan. Within a month, he had moved in and all of a sudden, I have [00:15:00] no pink furniture anywhere. Everything that had made me, me, was gone. A lot of stuff that makes me, me, feels very performative. Right, I love the big giant eyelashes.
[00:15:11] I love the overexte I love all of that. And so, all of those things got lumped into Oh, these are performative, so you don't need that anymore.
[00:15:21] And so I was trying to be this regular human, be like, oh, all that was bad stuff. That was stuff [00:15:30] that I was doing because I had to. And some of it was in a way, but 90 percent of it wasn't, and it just got, Oh, well, that's not good for you anymore. This is who you are and should be. For the full 100 percent non performative me to come out.
[00:15:48] The level of security that I need to feel, and the level of effort that needs to be given to me. Not, not [00:16:00] necessarily physically, but emotionally. It, it takes work. It's not even just about me feeling secure and, and open to vulnerability. It takes work. And I didn't know that until recently when that work had been put in and then I could see it.
[00:16:15] Michelle: It sounds like after you gave birth and became a mom, that you started to lose yourself in some way, the parts of yourself that were [00:16:30] the playfulness, the performative, and is it. The loss of that part of yourself, the experience that that part of yourself wasn't accepted, did that affect your ability to be sexual with?
[00:16:51] Was it your husband at the time
[00:16:54] Shannon: I don't think it's that. I think it's more that, we still had sex, [00:17:00] but it was He didn't, he didn't put in any work at all, right? Like it was the bare minimum amount of work, I wanted to feel taken care of and. Like you said, four plays, everything after the last orgasm. I didn't feel that. I don't think I had really thought about it until now, but like, all of those parts of me that got pushed to the side because you're a mom now, I didn't know [00:17:30] What to do without them and right like I know that it's in a in a different manner than what a lot of Mothers experience like I'm well aware that my situation is not typical and it has of course it has its own disadvantages but I do think it has some advantages because of my very direct very strong Relationship that I had to build and rebuild and build and rebuild with my sexuality and my body over all these years When something started to go wrong, I was like I [00:18:00] need to figure this out Because something is wrong.
[00:18:03] Michelle: And it is also such a common, um. Complaints
[00:18:10] Especially within hetero relationships, where, the mom is saying, I want somebody to take care of me. I want you have my back to just know that, you will, instinctively Know what it is I need at that
[00:18:29] Shannon: [00:18:30] Yeah, and I would talk to so many moms and we would have this conversation and a lot of them be like, you know, like I had the greatest sex with my husband before I had this, I had this, I had this.
[00:18:41] And they're like, all of a sudden it's not doing it for me. It's not doing it for me. Even things that worked before, it's not doing it for me. And conversation and talking about it is key and communication, but that's really. Fucking hard. And [00:19:00] so many women, like I said, in heterosexual relationships, the husband, the dad, even the best intentioned men, they fuck up in this, in this situation a lot.
[00:19:13] Michelle: Yes,
[00:19:14] Shannon: then they're leaving it on her, Oh, let's, we're going to have sex tonight. Right? Like, how would you do the dishes first?
[00:19:20] Michelle: yes. And it, it comes up in my office as she has low desire. There is a desire [00:19:30] discrepancy and it's often upsetting for him to hear this, but that she is still masturbating and they're like, but if, if you're still masturbating, I want you to be having sex with me. And it's not that simple.
[00:19:48] It's complicated, right? It's those non sexual. Parts that are happening after the last orgasm that are going to create [00:20:00] a bridge to the next sexual encounter.
[00:20:04] Shannon: because all of a sudden I was like, if this isn't. Giving me more satisfaction than a fucking nap. Then I'm not interested.
[00:20:15] Michelle: It sounds like you ended up creating this really great self pleasure world, right? Where you started to experiment with your body in [00:20:30] ways that you hadn't before. And I wondered then how that changed the way that you had sex after. In relationships that weren't your ex husband.
[00:20:55] Shannon: I think it honestly, I think it really [00:21:00] did. After you give birth, like your body changes, your mind changes, your hormones change, how your body responds to things. Changes. And so even if you had the list of this is exactly what I like. It works every time. All of a sudden you're like, Oh my God, well, that's different.
[00:21:18] Where did that come from? Where did that go? Why is this, this, why is this, this, why is this working? Why isn't this? I think taking that extra time and I mean, I don't really take that time of myself now, I don't have time, time, old and tired.
[00:21:28] And my partner does [00:21:30] that for me, but, taking that time with myself really made a big difference.
[00:21:36] Michelle: I think there is something to be said about, pre baby masturbation, to help you learn about your body. And then I think it's just as important is. post baby becoming familiar again with your body because it may feel different, right? Like your orgasm. Some people are [00:22:00] afraid to have an orgasm after if they've had a vaginal birth.
[00:22:03] They're like, Oh my God, does it even like, you know, afraid to look at themselves, afraid to see if, you know, it got broken. And It's better to be able to take the time with yourself to just very inch closer and closer to maybe seeing what an orgasm feels like to touching yourself versus like catapulting yourself into a sexual situation with somebody and like hoping [00:22:30] to God that it all works.
[00:22:32] Shannon: Yeah, it's new, and it's scary, and you're exhausted, and your brain is mush, and you're thinking of even more things than you were before, and then all of a sudden you're feeling pressured, because if you don't have an orgasm, your partner's not happy. When I Got with my now partner, which has been almost five years.
[00:22:54] I was like, enough is enough. I need sex and I need it. I was like, I don't have time to date. [00:23:00] I don't want to go out. I don't like the idea of that, but we had become friends at work. I approached him at our work party. Hi. Would you like to have sex with me tonight?
[00:23:09] And then, oh, this place. He went away for a minute and then came back because he had to think about it, which is the funniest thing in the world. And this poor man. I set out a fucking list. I said, this is what I need. This is what I can give you. This is what I want. This is what I don't want. This is what I'm dealing [00:23:30] with.
[00:23:31] What do you think? And I said, if this works, let's make this a regular thing. It's been five years and this man He changed my view of myself, he changed my view of sexuality, he changed my sexual capabilities, the things that my body has done that I did not know were possible, but he took the time and he listened to me.
[00:23:51] Michelle: Woo. Did postpartum, how did it affect your [00:24:00] relationship with your body?
[00:24:06] Shannon: it was hard. I did not like it. My clothes were not fitting the way I wanted them to. I had already lost so much of my dramatic over the top, cheerful, bright self and wardrobe. And so then putting on this stuff that I already didn't really like, [00:24:30] I was like, I didn't feel good, the number one thing that helped me was admitting that I didn't like it and that's okay.
[00:24:42] It doesn't make it bad. I'm not failing at a body positive human because I don't like the way my body feels or the way my body looked. Let's take a step to try to like it a little bit more and that's what I would [00:25:00] do. And being naked, which is scary for so many people, that helped me because one of my biggest things, and I realize it's also like a neurodivergent sensory thing, is where clothes are sitting on my body.
[00:25:12] And so I would, I would spend a lot of time naked or in my underwear with my, nursing bra and it helped. Then I was, I got really, really happy, and then I was like, oh, I'm struggling again. And I was like, if I'm struggling again, I need to find a way to not [00:25:30] struggle so much, because if your internal thoughts about your body, they become external, and then the little ones will pick it up, even if it's not towards them.
[00:25:38] Your kids pick that up, and you're like, oh, well. Mom won't eat that because it's too fattening. So I guess I can't eat that or you know, mom doesn't like her stomach rolls So I guess I shouldn't like mine either and I wouldn't let that happen.
[00:25:51] Michelle: How do you think that this journey that you went on around in some ways [00:26:00] reclaiming your body, reclaiming your sexuality, being kinder to yourself, being more compassionate to yourself. How do you think that impacted who you are today in terms of your career?
[00:26:25] Shannon: I think the word you said hit it is compassion. You have to have compassion [00:26:30] for yourself going through and trying to figure out who you are, you have to also know that that isn't just a straight line. I've realized now through all of these experiences. That, my career now, it's all of them. One of the things I've always said is the only thing you should be fighting for is happiness. Because everything else will follow after that. With [00:27:00] my career with pink banana sparkles, it's whatever I Need for happiness at that time. And so people are seeing this journey of myself in real time. Like four years ago, three and a half years ago, when I created pink banana sparkles, I was making Christmas ornaments and then I was painting vulvas on Christmas ornaments and sexy bodies.
[00:27:21] And then I remember, I was like, oh wait, I used to love erotic art. I still love erotic art. I'm just gonna paint it on a Christmas ornament. And then I started [00:27:30] looking at genitals close up, which I'd never done before. I looked at bodies. I'd never painted Genitals. And I tell you, looking at vulvas, really fucking close.
[00:27:41] Penises and vulvas. They're fascinating to stare at in a way that your face isn't in them. And then that, everything has just kind of one step, one step, and it's included all of these different parts of my career.
[00:27:53] I have these, like, super erotic paintings. I have super body positive portraits that [00:28:00] have no heads, no hands, no feet, to just help people look at themselves in a different way. Like, if I can look at my, this piece of art and say it's beautiful, why can't I do that to my body? That's of my body. And now, I've turned my apartment into a giant dressing station. All my accessories that I had put away because my ex husband told me to. They're all coming out. And they're all coming back on display. And I'm getting these waves, power of Myself and I'm like, oh my god these [00:28:30] shoes. I can't wear them anymore, but you better believe I'm gonna put them on display they make me feel powerful and beautiful and I was taught for so long to believe that those things were frivolous or Too self involved right not to be taken seriously not blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
[00:28:44] Michelle: and how wonderful is it for your daughter to see her mother really just leaning in and living her life purpose?
[00:28:59] Shannon: [00:29:00] She loves it. I'm so open, and I talk about everything, and I tell her there's some art that you can't see because it's not appropriate for children.
[00:29:08] All the genitals, I don't fucking care. They're all over my house. The erotic art is turned over because That's not appropriate for her. And she understands that. She doesn't even bat an eye. Knowing that, if I don't focus on myself in some way, I don't just lose myself a little bit. I lose [00:29:30] myself a lot, and then I am a shell of a human, and I find that's a very, very common thing for mothers.
[00:29:36] People like to, you know, fucking self sacrifice struggles. Struggles are not noble. I am a better mother, I am a better partner, I am a better human, if I figure out what works for me as well.
[00:29:52] Michelle: Shannon @pinkbananasparkles Shannon, you're. Amazing. And I want to thank you so much for being here. I want you to tell people where they can find you.
[00:30:06] Shannon: Ooh, yes. So the website is pinkbananasparkles.com and then all of the social media. Um, it's just at. @Pinkbananasparkles
[00:30:14] Michelle: Thank you so much, Shannon, for coming on GETSOME. Your story is going to help normalize the experience of so many moms out there that are struggling with their relationship to their body and giving them a path out [00:30:30] if they choose.
[00:30:33] This episode is produced by Katie Jensen and Katie Laur from Vocal Fry Studios.