LITTLE MISS BEE IS LIVING A DOUBLE LIFE. By day, she’s a high-powered working professional proudly shattering glass ceilings and climbing the corporate ladder. But off the clock, she’s a kink-positive, active member of the rope bondage community. Now that’s my kind of superhero… In the final episode of the 3rd season of the GETSOME Podcast, we discuss personal authority, self-acceptance, and keeping it kinky. Our guest, Little Miss Bee, manages to keep her professional and personal worlds completely separate without losing touch with either side of herself. Ultimately, her openness and experiences give us the space to reflect on our own desires and boundaries, helping us find a path towards our own sexual, personal, and professional empowerment.
LITTLE MISS BEE IS LIVING A DOUBLE LIFE.
By day, she’s a high-powered working professional proudly shattering glass ceilings and climbing the corporate ladder. But off the clock, she’s a kink-positive, active member of the rope bondage community.
In the final episode of the 3rd season of the GETSOME Podcast, we discuss personal authority, self-acceptance, and keeping it kinky. Our guest, Little Miss Bee, manages to keep her professional and personal worlds completely separate without losing touch with either side of herself. Ultimately, her openness and experiences give us the space to reflect on our own desires and boundaries, helping us find a path towards our own sexual, personal, and professional empowerment.
Show Notes:
[00:00:00] Little Miss Bee: I have lots of partners who don't want to do all the things I want to do. I have a very broad menu and I love that for them. I love when they hold their nose. One of the most important features that I seek in a partner is someone who knows how to say no to me because I am a strong personality. I have been described as a train.
[00:00:18] I know what I want. I know where I'm going. I don't deviate very easily, but I make a lot of stops at a lot of stations and if you want to get off or on, you know what, I'm gonna come back around.[00:00:30]
[00:00:44] Michelle: Have you ever felt like you're leading a double life? Balancing your professional persona with your deepest desires and passions? Today we're telling the story of Little Miss B, a queer cis woman who straddles two worlds. By [00:01:00] day, a high powered professional, and by night, indulging in the pleasures of the midnight hour.
[00:01:06] Little Miss Bee: All of my kink and sex positive content is on an anonymous account, so my face isn't showing on it. There aren't sort of telltale markers of who I am or what I do. People that I've known for years in the kink and sex positive spaces have no idea what I do professionally.
[00:01:23] Michelle: I met Little Miss Bee at a sex party, and when I walked in, she was so incredibly [00:01:30] welcoming and friendly and she also sparked a curiosity in me.
[00:01:34] Everyone seemed to know her, and I knew she had a story.
[00:01:39] Little Miss Bee: I top and bottom in kink, and if you move too quickly, you can end up blowing right by some really serious boundaries of someone, maybe even when they don't know them.
[00:01:51] Michelle: She wanted to come on this show because she wanted to talk about her journey of overcoming and embracing being a woman who likes.
[00:01:59] If I strip [00:02:00] out everything that's expected of
[00:02:01] Little Miss Bee: me, everything that the world thinks I should want or tells me to want, and I just sit back and think about what I want? What gender do I want to be with? What weird things do I want to do in the bedroom? Like, do I want to have a partner and all we do is suck each other's toes?
[00:02:17] Cool! Like, let's find
[00:02:18] Michelle: somebody who wants to do that. If you've always felt like you're living in the shadows, torn between societal expectations and your authentic sexual self, then Little [00:02:30] Miss B's journey may deeply resonate with you. Here's my conversation with Little Miss B.
[00:02:44] Little Miss Bee: Going from here to a nude art photo shoot. Fun hobby that I kind of stumbled into in my late thirties and here we are.
[00:02:51] Michelle: Is that where all your Instagram pictures are from?
[00:02:54] Little Miss Bee: Yeah, I mean some of them are self portraiture, but a bunch of them are collaborations with photographers and artists. [00:03:00] Some of them are paid, most of them are TFP, which is like trade for prints, and it's been fun and silly and amazing, and now I have like the biggest book of self erotica that I would have ever imagined of 40.
[00:03:14] Michelle: I get the sense from talking to you, it's almost like you had these like Two lives,
[00:03:22] Little Miss Bee: I think I have 10 lives, you know, like I have multiple different streams of versions of my personality [00:03:30] that are very much in their own lane and don't intersect, you know, for the most part, when I'm in sexy spaces, like, People that I've known for years in the kink and sex positive spaces have no idea what I do professionally.
[00:03:45] People that I know as a mom, cause I, you know, I'm a very committed present mom, have no idea what I, you know, maybe do for work or what I do in my free time. I don't think there's anything bad about that. I think that we all do it in [00:04:00] different ways. It doesn't feel important to me, and it doesn't feel stifling to my personality to come into work on a Monday and have someone say, What did you do this weekend?
[00:04:09] And me not bring up the three orgies. You know, like, I can't. And I think it's okay to be at an orgy and not bring out the massive project that has a huge deadline that I've got to get home at 2 a. m. and start working on the file again. You know, I think those things are okay. And sometimes we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to like, be out in every single round [00:04:30] that we're in.
[00:04:31] And I just. Don't worry about it that much. I worry about it enough that I have multiple Instagram accounts and part of that is to account for the different ways that I live my life. And different streams of people will follow different ones. And all of my kink and sex positive content is on an anonymous account.
[00:04:49] So my face isn't, isn't Showing on it. There aren't sort of telltale markers of who I am or what I do. And then I sort of have like a kind of like more mainstream mom account and then I have one that's just [00:05:00] like you know generic me traveling pictures, but there's like no kids. There's no like explicit sex content There's no references to my work.
[00:05:08] And so, you know, like people first dates might sort of stream there Great trick instagram lets you open as many accounts as you want So if you if you want to do that go nuts, I I encourage You every person to open an account that breathes life into a facet of them that they want to enliven and feed. I ended up with a sex positive account almost completely by accident.
[00:05:29] I [00:05:30] was in the kink world. One of my sort of main areas of focus and passion is rope, and I was roped bottoming. So getting tied years ago, it's usually called shabari, but some people use rope or rope bondage is that the wider umbrella category. And it's getting tied decoratively in sort of comfortable bondage and uncomfortable bondage with rope, classically with rope.
[00:05:55] But you can use all different materials. Sometimes it can be really loving and [00:06:00] comforting. Sometimes it can just be beautiful and decorative all over your body, almost like an outfit. Sometimes it can be really painful and sort of like deep in that kink submission mindset. I did a lot of suspension, which is where you get hung up from classically bamboo, but there's other hard points in the ceiling.
[00:06:17] And it's a subsect of kink. But it's lovely. It's beautiful. I'm now on both ends of it. So I tie people, but I started off just as a bottom.
[00:06:27] Michelle: When you use the word kink, [00:06:30] I, in my mind, connect it with feeling some kind of desire. Do those things go together in Shibari or rope? Oh, I would
[00:06:44] Little Miss Bee: say. There really is sort of this divide between, like, sexual connection and kink practice.
[00:06:53] And particularly in rope, because it is so technical. And so, there's a lot of time that you [00:07:00] spend learning and practicing. And, you know, like, you may do that with kink. partners and there is something really beautiful about the connection of doing it with a partner and feeling that energy and that power exchange and restraint and control and all of those things and a lot of people do mix it with more explicit sexual acts.
[00:07:21] A lot of times when I did it and was doing it, it was just for the experience. The experience of the kink, so it wasn't non [00:07:30] sexual because there is this inviting moment of really enjoying being tied up and hung from the ceiling. That isn't completely non sexual, but it wasn't romantic partners. They weren't people I was going on dates with.
[00:07:43] There wasn't any like explicit touch or even kissing or anything like that going on. It was very much just a kink date.
[00:07:51] Michelle: And how Did you get involved with this community? Is it just like that you just [00:08:00] find each other?
[00:08:02] Little Miss Bee: If you're in Toronto, there is the Kinbaku Salon, which is a rope salon, which is a, which is a great place to go.
[00:08:09] They do lessons. They have rope jams where you can practice, but probably the best place to go is the internet. And two places in particular. One is. FetLife, which is a website, the user interface is not awesome, but you can go on, you can create a profile and you can look for local people that share your [00:08:30] kinks.
[00:08:30] And so that was where I found a lot of my original partners. I would look people up that had tied a lot of other people that I knew were in the community. I almost always reached out for references to their bottoms to say, you know, what was this person safe? Did they respect? consent, do they respect your boundaries?
[00:08:46] I tried to get three or four references for any new person before I tied with them as a safety method, which I recommend for all sorts of like kink interactions. And the second place is Instagram. The algorithm tends to [00:09:00] suppress sex positive content as I'm sure you've experienced, but there is a lot of really beautiful kink content, sex positive content, and shibari content out there.
[00:09:10] I can send you some links to ones that I particularly like, and we can put them in the show notes or whatever you do, but those are great places to kind of like go, and whether you're interested in learning, or interested in just sort of seeing what it looks like, and the kind of beauty of it.[00:09:30]
[00:09:34] Michelle: How would you describe your appetite for sex? These days, like, what are you into? What are you looking for?
[00:09:46] Little Miss Bee: I think that over the years and sort of like, as I turned 40 this year and coming into this time of my life, what I'm looking for, I almost wouldn't describe as sex, but I would describe as [00:10:00] connection.
[00:10:00] You know, I want to have the. Chemistry, the energy, and I love that sort of like anticipation, the build up, the draw, and the actual sort of physical acts are almost secondary to that. They tend to go very well with it, but for me the real draw is how do you find that like a really fiery, take over your brain connection.
[00:10:28] That is what makes sex good, [00:10:30] especially as an attractive enough woman in this world.
[00:10:34] Michelle: That is true. You are a very attractive woman in this world.
[00:10:40] Little Miss Bee: Like obtaining sex, having sex is very easy. It made all the more easier with the apps. Like, you know, it was easy enough in my twenties. Bars and whatnot, but with apps it's almost preposterously easy.
[00:10:51] It's like easier than ordering uber eats depending on your standards and whatnot, but like, you know, if you just want to accomplish a mission You can accomplish it within [00:11:00] an hour, but you could
[00:11:00] Michelle: get mcdonald's and you could get a michelin star meal.
[00:11:03] Little Miss Bee: Yes but the quality that you get and the reward that you get when you Create the connection and invest in the connection makes it so much more worthwhile and so much more enjoyable That i've started to create a way of prioritizing Those really high level delicious delectable michelins And kind of like [00:11:30] downgrading the, you know, Happy Meals, McDonald's style.
[00:11:35] Sure, I can have this right now, but I want to make sure that I am investing in the really, really delicious outcomes.
[00:11:42] Michelle: How do you define connection? Is it a feeling? Is it something that you can get on your own? Is it this like reciprocal experience?
[00:11:54] Little Miss Bee: I don't want to be like woo woo about it because I think it's sometimes it feels a little bit exclusionary, but I think [00:12:00] that for me it's a lot about connection.
[00:12:01] Energy and energy work and sometimes when you start talking about that people tune out and they're like, oh my god Energy is this thing that you know, I don't do it's what these crazy hippies do but if you kind of wash your mind of your expectations around energy and you just think to That moment that you're walking down the street or you're at a restaurant and you make eyes with someone and you feel that little flurry or a cute waiter comes up to you at a restaurant and they say Stare at you a little bit longer when you order and you
[00:12:26] Michelle: feel it in your body.
[00:12:28] Little Miss Bee: Feel it in your body. Or maybe it's a [00:12:30] first date or whatever it is, and maybe it's that cute person at your office and you know, every time you're in a meeting together, like you're very professional, but you can both tell there's like something there. And so for me it's like tapping into that, that little tiny feeling.
[00:12:45] And then kind of blowing it up like a balloon, so just breathing into it, and breathing into it, and breathing into it, both like physically, mentally, emotionally, and letting it grow. And part of the way you do that is you first become aware of it, and you [00:13:00] let it grow inside you, and you let it get bigger and bigger.
[00:13:03] For me, the biggest way to do that has been to slow way down in all of my connections. I identify as a very sex positive person. I identify as a slut. I identify as a slut. But I identify as a prude slut, which to me has come to mean I take things at like a Victorian pace, and part of that is the recognition that allowing the energy to build creates that reward.
[00:13:27] And so I'm happy to go that slow and [00:13:30] to encourage people who want to partner with me to go that slow. Because I think it's worth it, and it's funny to say because we met at a sex party, and you know, a lot of connection there isn't particularly slow, but it's often people you meet there on those nights, and some of that is that within parties like that, I'll often sort of fully connect only with people that I have prior connections with, or, you know, we all have McDonald's sometimes, and that's okay, it's delicious, so yeah, like, taking that time, slowing it down, and when I date people, even if I'm meeting someone on an app, I'll say, [00:14:00] hey, I love Bye.
[00:14:00] Bye. So many things, we could have so much theoretical possible future fun together, but you need to be on board with like a one to three month timeline for penetrative sex.
[00:14:13] Michelle: Build up of the connection of the sexual tension of the imagining what it might be like to get to that point. One to three month mark.
[00:14:27] Little Miss Bee: Yeah, and I think part of that, I'll speak as [00:14:30] a cis bodied woman, feeling safe in your connection, feeling desired, feeling like there's someone who's going to respect both what you want and what you don't want. They're going to stop when you say stop, they're going to go when you say go, and you can take time to learn what that is.
[00:14:48] It was lessons that I learned. Partially through trial and error, and partially through my experience in the kink world, I top and bottom in kink. And if you move too quickly, you can end up blowing [00:15:00] right by some really serious boundaries of someone, maybe even when they don't know them. And so I would start moving just super slowly.
[00:15:07] You know, the first time you meet someone, they're like, I want to do a, you know, a rape scene. I'm like, well, we're not going to start there. You know, let's dial it right back and let's do it. See how you feel with like a little bit of restraint. And we're going to set a 30 minute clock. We're going to come out of it.
[00:15:20] We're going to color. We're going to talk about how it went. And as I sort of went through the process where we were building up the trust, building up the connection, then we saw how good and powerful [00:15:30] things could get. And that started to translate into the way that I had all of my connections. And it was kind of a beautiful learning and dovetailing of a different world.
[00:15:39] Michelle: So what. was sex for you before, right? Before you decided, you know, I'm learning what I like and I really want to start to slow things down.
[00:15:51] Little Miss Bee: I was a desirous, sex positive, promiscuous, and precocious teenager. I knew that I liked all genders at a young [00:16:00] age. I didn't feel A lot of fear or shame around sex other than knowing that I was supposed to feel it.
[00:16:09] I knew that being a slut was a bad thing, but I couldn't quite conceptualize on like an analytical level why. You know, it's like if you're being safe and you're being transparent and honest and respectful of the people that you're with. I don't see, like, the inherent immorality, [00:16:30] but I knew that other people didn't see that.
[00:16:32] Oh, you know, girls shouldn't do that. Girls don't do that. And it sort of became what I'll call, like, an enlightened Cosmo sex teen, where, you know, I read all the pages of Cosmo, and I knew, you know, how to do the thing with my hand and the swirl with my tongue, and I was a very, like, learned, nerdy, sex positive person.
[00:16:52] I was like, And I was like, so my role as being a sex positive slut is to have all the sex, you know, like go out there [00:17:00] and do it with everyone. And it was almost like an unlearning. Like if you'd asked me in my early 20s how many dates it would take to have sex with me, it was like negative dates, you know, like we would meet and it would happen.
[00:17:10] And you meet me now in my 30s and now 40 and I'm like, oh, you got to date me for three months. I do think that there is that real power to the waiting and the knowing and the safety.
[00:17:21] Michelle: In growing up. What were some of the values that were brought into the home around [00:17:30] sexuality and sex and what was appropriate for you?
[00:17:36] Little Miss Bee: Both of my parents are very out of the box, non conventional thinkers. So I never felt like someone would stop loving me because I presented a desire. I was like, yeah, like I like girls and I like guys and I like everything in between. But I never felt like I needed to come out and being a very femme presenting sexual [00:18:00] queer person, it didn't feel like something that needed to be announced, but it also put me in a little bit of a A strange middle space where I remember the girls on the rugby team were like, You're not gay enough, because I didn't dress it, and I didn't act it, and I did date men.
[00:18:14] Um, and there's definitely more flexibility in the room, I think, for women in bisexual spaces, especially in the early 2000s, than there was for men. Then, I think that's shifting now, and there's a lot more space for men in those spaces. It was definitely a little bit of like this odd in between. I was like, you know what, I'm not even going to bother.
[00:18:29] I'm just going to [00:18:30] date whoever I date and I'm going to flirt with whoever I want to flirt with. I was like, yes, I am going to have all of this sex with all of the people that I want. Maybe it's more a function of who I hang out with, but I really think everyone's at least a little bit gay.
[00:18:43] Michelle: How old were you when you were having these moments and reflections?
[00:18:48] 19,
[00:18:49] Little Miss Bee: 20, and before that it was non sex sex. I was actually a virgin for a long time. I lost my virginity just before I turned 19. But I was what I would call a slutty virgin. [00:19:00] I didn't have a long term boyfriend in high school, and I was in sort of a conservative ish private school realm. where no one was just going out and doing these things.
[00:19:10] So, like, I literally couldn't convince, like, another high school boy to have sex with me in this realm. And I went away to college, and in my first semester there, I was like, Will someone just have sex with me so I'm not a virgin? You know, like, I don't even care. I just want to, like, have this stigma of virginity taken away.
[00:19:26] In my mind, I was like, Ugh, society has created this really awful, arbitrary [00:19:30] delineation between like virgin and non virgin and as a queer especially it's like who made it up like I need a penis inside me to be de-virginated and it never quite made sense but it felt important to people so like I went and I took care of it so that was gone I was like okay hands washed I'm not a virgin and after that it was sort of like Smooth sailing into that kind of like 20s, the slutty years, maybe, I'll call them.
[00:19:54] One of my girlfriends from undergrad likes to remind me of a quote that I said, which is like, [00:20:00] I just want to have casual sex with multiple partners and we all tell each other the truth. It was so hard that, you know, I think now there's more openness around polyamory and desire and communication, but then it was really this, like, strange thing.
[00:20:16] And I remember having this. It's a partner that I adored. We got along so well. They were so like liberal and open and lovely. And when I met them, right away, like I did to all my partners, I was like, I'm excited to date you. You seem great. But [00:20:30] just so you know, like, I don't have any desire to be monogamous ever.
[00:20:33] And they were like, sure. You know, like a college guy is like, great. It means I get to keep doing things with other people. But as the emotional intensity ramped up, there was, you know, This moment of pause where they're like, well, when do we become monogamous? And I said, never. And it would become these moments of friction and heartache, you know, where they would say like, this isn't what I want in a long term partnership.
[00:20:56] And I was like, I can't, and I'm not [00:21:00] built for, and don't desire anything along the lines of monogamy and, you know, like, I hope we can do this together, but if we can't, we're not going to be a good match. I just knew that. I absolutely didn't want it. And that if someone asked me to do that, it would feel like soul crushing, like, like taking away a part of who I was, that I couldn't be happy in that situation.
[00:21:24] And two things are going to happen. Either I would be [00:21:30] unhappy and faithful to the partnership, or I would be unfaithful to the partnership. And for me, like dishonesty is something I abhor. I know that I won't. It's against everything I stand for, and I know that I won't be happy being in a confined relationship.
[00:21:47] And so if someone said they really needed that, I'd say, you know, I'm happy to hang out with you until you find that with someone else. Or, you know, I can lovingly and peacefully let you go on your journey while I go on mine. And I [00:22:00] definitely lost that. Beautiful, wonderful partners to monogamy and like some of them stayed around as friends.
[00:22:05] Some of them it wasn't as possible, but I knew that that was what I wanted and needed in my life.
[00:22:17] Michelle: Do you feel stuck? Not understanding what's holding you back from having a pleasurable sex life? You're not alone. That's why I created the Unlearning Sexual Shame module, [00:22:30] inspired by the stories of countless clients who've struggled silently. This online module is going to give you a path out. Discover the roots of shame, embrace mindfulness to break free from its spiral, and redefine your sexual story with our 14 videos, interactive prompts, as well as a workbook to guide you along the way.
[00:22:55] This module is perfect for integrating into your own personal therapy [00:23:00] or as a journey of self discovery. It's a tool designed to empower you, transform your understanding, to find clarity. To feel lighter, free from the shadows of shame. Your next chapter of empowerment, confidence, and sexual freedom is waiting.
[00:23:18] Join us at Get Some, and let's begin the journey of unlearning sexual shame together. Now, Back to the episode. Tell[00:23:30]
[00:23:32] me about the play party scene, the sex party scene. What is that like for you? What do you enjoy about it? And also like what it entails when you're psychologically getting ready to attend?
[00:23:54] Little Miss Bee: I adore play parties. I think I was always one of those people that would go Go to a [00:24:00] party wanting to make out with half the people there and that would get me in trouble, you know, sometimes people are partnered.
[00:24:06] Sometimes you kiss one person and they see you kissing another and it becomes a problem because there's, you know, like inherent possessiveness immediately. And for me, what play parties do is they take away All of the layers of
[00:24:23] sort of pretend that you have and so you can enter the party and be like, we're all [00:24:30] here to fuck, which is fantastic. You know, it's really nice to take that away. And obviously you're going to ask and there's lots of people there for different reasons. So I'm being a little bit, a little bit overblown on stating that, but to come into a place and just be like, everybody wants to be here to do this thing, to be in this place.
[00:24:48] Yeah. And, and it also just feels a little bit like being a kid in a candy shop where you're not gonna get cavities or put on 20 pounds. You know, like all of the things that people have told you are wrong, [00:25:00] all of a sudden you get to be like, they lied. You know, like there's actually nothing wrong about this.
[00:25:06] We can get together and lovingly, consensually, enthusiastically, playfully, Connect with all of our body parts with people that we have no intention of long term romantic connections with, but that we like as friends, that we respect as humans, that we want to just really embody a sense of play and a sense of pleasure and [00:25:30] hedonism, you know, we spend so much time in life, downplaying hedonistic desire, but to actually say, Hey, Okay, if I take the position, there's nothing wrong with pleasure.
[00:25:43] What would I do? You know, acting safely, mitigating for risk, always being in a position of consent. How do I, how do I just choose pleasure? How do I choose play? How do I choose fun? And in a play party scenario, you get to show up and you get to say, what's [00:26:00] fun? What feels good? What do I want to do? What do I want to touch?
[00:26:03] Like, hold on, I grab boobies. I want to stink butts. And that's great.
[00:26:07] Michelle: And you can get in. Do that with enthusiasm. Have you ever been in a situation where people are aware of your lifestyle? And maybe feel threatened, right? As though, oh my god, you're gonna steal their husband or whatever. Oh for
[00:26:28] Little Miss Bee: sure, yeah.[00:26:30]
[00:26:30] I think particularly in the early days, I think, maybe it's hard to say, because we, you know, we live in a big multi cultural, multi viewpoint cosmopolitan city, so the people that I'm exposed to tend to have come along with the times. But I've been out, at least socially, as polyamorous, Since the twenties, apps didn't exist and there weren't websites where you could date and identify as [00:27:00] polyamorous.
[00:27:00] And so I remember like in the early days I was dating on Ashley Madison, which is a website for cheaters, which I abhor, you know, but I was like, how do I find people? And that was kind of an area that some poly people were. So, you know, you'd put on your profile, like this is consensual and it's asking for money.
[00:27:17] Michelle: I cannot tell you how many people I have worked with that have come. out of long term relationships aren't totally ready to have a relationship [00:27:30] and they just want to be able to have some fun and they go on Ashley Madison.
[00:27:35] Little Miss Bee: Yeah. Is it still
[00:27:36] Michelle: around? I think it, I think it's still around.
[00:27:40] Little Miss Bee: So, but I remember in the early days, not my direct social circle knew, but the one step out, the people who didn't know me personally.
[00:27:48] And their thought was, oh, she's non-monogamous. That means she'll fuck anyone. You know, that means none of our husbands are safe. That like no one is safe. And I was like, that is [00:28:00] so far from how I operate. You know, if anything, the driving force between how I make these decisions is honesty and transparency.
[00:28:08] And that's what drove me to polyamory in the first place. You know that I looked around me as a teenager and I said. Everyone seems to be cheating and then they're heartbroken and like, you know, can't we just agree that this would be okay and we'll talk to each other about it, you know, I can have five best friends and we all know about each other and we all hang out together [00:28:30] and one best friend isn't like so mad that I talked to someone else.
[00:28:34] I don't understand. Intellectually, why we can't apply that to romantic relationships. And then in like the kink in the sex positivity, sometimes it's not so much a, you know, she'll do anyone, but she'll do anything. And that's sort of been like an interesting journey where like, sometimes I'll start connecting with someone and they're like, well, obviously you're going to do this and you're going to do it now.
[00:28:58] And like, Oh, actually that's not one [00:29:00] of the things that I enjoy. You know, it's not on my yes list or my maybe list. And the sort of like, Entitlement and disgruntledness that can come with that. I move quite quickly away from those, those things, those red flags. I'll share one story. I remember being at a bar and I had, I was married at the time, but not monogamous.
[00:29:19] And so one of the rules that I had for myself was that I always provide a disclosure to the person, even before a kiss, because it felt important to me that they were, knowingly [00:29:30] going into a situation that was different from the norm, and that they got to provide active consent to being a part of that.
[00:29:36] And so I remember being at the bar and I'd been flirting with this. Cute bro, bros aren't usually my type, but you know, he was there. He was cute. And as we were kind of like connecting over the course of the night, I got to a place where I felt like a kiss was imminent. And I said, you know, I just want to let you know I'm married, but we have a non monogamous arrangement and this sort of thing is okay.
[00:29:58] He [00:30:00] lost his mind. He threw a bunch of napkins at me. He called me a whore, like, yelled it out to all his friends, and mind you, we hadn't even kissed at this point, and I kind of sat there and I was like, okay, you know, I, I
[00:30:17] Michelle: definitely don't want to kiss him now, I'll tell you that. I think sometimes people are just more open to knowing you were cheating versus knowing you were doing it consensually and [00:30:30] open.
[00:30:30] Little Miss Bee: A lot of people found cheating hot. And once I explained I wasn't cheating, it all of a sudden became worse because I wasn't this, like, good married girl who was quietly stepping out. I was this active whore who had made a consensual open choice to be doing this, this, you know, breach of the marital vows.
[00:30:50] Funny enough, I'm divorced from that. And I'm now I've been with this anchor partner for a number of years and we've decided that we want to do [00:31:00] a commitment ceremony and I really, really don't want to be married again. And part of the reason I don't want to be married in the sort of like classic legal.
[00:31:09] Religious sense of the word is it came with all of this weight and all of this expectation and all these rules and obligations. And even when you stood inside the institution of marriage and said, I'm choosing to do things differently, it became a cage in and of itself. And so I said, you know, like, I want to create a relationship blueprint that [00:31:30] works for me and I don't want it to be the prescribed institution of marriage.
[00:31:35] That and having the government get involved when you want to break up is onerous and expensive. I'd rather not do that again. It's been interesting and I think one of the beautiful things about kink, about polyamory, about being a slut is you get to take Back power. You get to sit there and say, what do I want?
[00:31:58] If I strip out [00:32:00] everything that's expected of me, everything that the world thinks I should want or tells me to want. And I just sit back and think about what I want. What gender do I want to be with? What weird things do I want to do in the bedroom? Like, do I want to have a partner? And all we do is suck each other's toes.
[00:32:16] And we bring that up and we say, Hey, this is the actually the only thing I ever want to do with you. Yeah. Cool, like, let's find somebody who wants to do that. I want to have a long term partner that I am emotionally committed to, that I never [00:32:30] live with, you know, and that I don't legally marry, but that I present to the world as being, you know, lovingly bound to.
[00:32:36] It's hard, because sometimes marriage and monogamy are easy, and vanilla sex is easy. You know, you go in, you're like, I'm just going to do these things that everyone expects. And then you don't have to ask yourself any questions. You don't have to tap into your desires. You don't have to peel back that onion.
[00:32:49] And then the powerful, vulnerable process of asking yourself what you want and then creating a world where you get it, where you actively call it in, [00:33:00] is scary and powerful and fucking amazing.
[00:33:04] Michelle: Little Miss Bee, thank you so much for being so open.
[00:33:11] Little Miss Bee: Yeah, thank you. It's been so much fun to be here. It's always great to talk about finding pleasure and choosing pleasure.
[00:33:20] People are welcome to reach out to me on Instagram@LittleMiss_Bee. I think you'll, you'll post that somewhere. Always happy to answer questions, talk more about things. All the aspects of my journey [00:33:30] and to encourage people to go out and choose sexiness and choose happiness and choose just whatever serves you.
[00:33:38] And it's going to bring joy into your life because, I don't know, why else are we here?
[00:33:47] Michelle: If you have a story that you want to tell on GETSOME, email me at michelle at getsome. ca. Don't forget to follow me on Instagram @GETSOME_podcast you'll get [00:34:00] insights on sex and sexuality, dating tips, and behind the scenes content between episodes. Our first online learning module called unlearning sexual shame is out now.
[00:34:12] It's designed to help you to begin understanding and unpacking the root cause of sexual shame. Go on our website at getsome. ca to learn more. This show is produced by Katie Jensen at Vocal Fry Studios. Thanks for listening. See you [00:34:30] later.