We've heard countless tales of sex-starved married men, but have you ever wondered about the untold stories of sex-starved married women? We're delving into the unique challenges faced by women in this predicament.
We've heard countless tales of sex-starved married men, but have you ever wondered about the untold stories of sex-starved married women? We're delving into the unique challenges faced by women in this predicament.
Show Notes
00:00 She wants more sex than him and he thinks something is wrong with her
00:57 Painful to hear her friends talk about always being pursued for sex by their husbands
01:46 She feels undesirable and feels a lot of shame
02:19 Reasons he may not be wanting to have sex with her
03:18 If you are male and not wanting to have sex with your partner we want to to hear your side.
03:50 Send a voicemail recording or email to michelle@getsome.ca
04:47 How to tell your partner that you want more sex.
05:33 Follow me on Instagram at getsome_podcast
[THEME SONG]
[00:00:00] Michelle: I wanted to talk about the struggle that I've seen Hetero cis women, in long -term monogamous relationships, generally with a Christian or Catholic upbringing that have a really high sex drive, but their husband or male, partner doesn't wanna have sex with them anymore, and as a matter -of -fact, will start almost pathologizing them for their high sex drive and that maybe there's something wrong with them.
[00:00:57] And I think why it's so painful for the women that I see is because we all hear the stories of, you know, these women that are saying, oh, my husband, he just wants to have sex all the time.
[00:01:16] It's not even me. I think he just wants to get off or like, I can't get him off of me. If I just give him a kiss he wants to run to bed. So you, you hear these stories of women always being pursued for sex by their husband, and then all of a sudden you find yourself in. A relationship where you are actually the hungry person and your husband is the one that isn't wanting to have sex with you.
[00:01:46] And oftentimes people will then start to think about what does that mean about themselves? So when people come and see me, it's, it's around, what is it about me? Right? Like I'm not desirable. It becomes very, very personal and there's a ton of shame around their sexuality because they've been brought up to think that, you know, good girls aren't sexual like that.
[00:02:19] Or at least you know, there's the belief that when you're in a hetero relationship that, you're supposed to be having sex with your partner, and so none of these things are happening and yes, lots of shame, and funny enough, I don't actually know what is happening with their partner and why they're no longer wanting to have sex with them.
[00:02:56] I think sometimes it has to do with their own shame around sex, and maybe it's around being pursued by their wife because it's supposed to be the opposite way around. Or maybe it's that they don't get a chance to pursue because their wife's always pursuing them. I don't know what it is, but I wanna know.
[00:03:18] So if there's anyone out there. That can give me the male perspective. If you've been in a long-term relationship and your wife or partner has a higher sex drive than you, and now your relationship is sexless. And let's also say you were raised with a Christian background, let's say. I want you to gimme your thoughts on this.
[00:03:50] Okay? So record your voice on some kind of recording app and send it to michelle@getsome.ca and I'll try to understand what the other side is. I think what ends up by happening is once people come into therapy and maybe she starts to realize that nothing's wrong with her, actually, it's just that she really enjoys sex. She feels a lot of desire and wants to be able to share that with her partner, and that that's okay, and that. Also have the feeling validated, like, yeah, it must be hard because all of your friends are telling you that they can't get their husbands off of them, and you would love nothing more than that.
[00:04:47] So it's also become like your little secret. But I think when people start to feel better about themselves and they feel more validated with their feelings, it usually gives them the confidence to address it with their partner and say, "This isn't working. We need to go into couples therapy or sex therapy" or whatever it is.
[00:05:09] Or, you know, sometimes people will say, it's gone on for too long and I don't wanna be in this relationship anymore. I wanna find other people. Or some people go on to have affairs. It's really very, very dependent. But yeah, I was thinking about that and I thought I'd just throw my thoughts out to you. If you have any thoughts about this, go on my Instagram, send me a direct message, follow me on Instagram @getsome_podcast
[00:05:44] and that's it. Thanks for hanging out with me. Talk to you later.